While there is no “ninja” technique on how to make her cum, there are steps that you can follow to discover your girl’s orgasmic triggers. Learn all that here!
“Did you cum?” You asked with an expectant smile.
Sorry to break it to you. But if you had to ask, odds are, she probably didn’t.
Knowing how to make your girl cum without fail is a learned art. Like many things, practice makes perfect. You can’t keep making the same moves and expect a different result.
So, equip yourself with the knowledge on how to make her orgasm during sex and step up your game.
We’ll go on a deep dive into mastering the art of female pleasure, and you’ll surely come out a different man by the end of this article.
Table of Contents
Do Women Cum?
Yes, women cum. If you’re using “cum” as a synonym for orgasm, women cum all the time – though it might not be as simple as male orgasms.
Some women (not all) discharge fluid during or before orgasm. This happens in a few different ways.
Some people call it “cum” when a woman gets wet, but that’s just what happens when a woman gets aroused.
There’s also a milky fluid that comes from a woman’s urethra in small or large amounts. Larger female ejaculations are often called “squirting,” and this fluid comes from the bladder.
It’s similar to urine, but not the same. For some women, this fluid squirts out. For others, it only trickles. Usually, this happens alongside an orgasm, but some women are able to squirt/cum without one.
There are a couple of things you should do before even making any move towards the Big O. Foreplay starts even before you touch her.
Make Sure She’s Comfortable
Men and women treat sex and masturbation quite differently. While more women today are becoming open and confident about female pleasure and sexual arousal, women still feel guilt and shame about it.
Some women aren’t as open to their friends about it as there are still people who find it a “taboo” subject. Others have a more conservative upbringing that being intimate makes them feel guilty.
If your girl has negative feelings about sex, help ease her mind. And the best way to go about it? Communicate.
It can take time to make her truly feel at ease, so don’t rush her.
Not in a manipulative way, but in an I-care-for-you-and-I-want-to-please-you way.
A woman can’t come if she doesn’t trust you. Period.
Even if you’re so good at your tongue or your moves, and even if she’s on the brink of orgasm, she can stop her O if she doesn’t feel entirely comfortable.
Women find cumming a very vulnerable experience, and they only allow themselves to do it if they’re ready to be open and surrender themselves to you.
*If you want to skip to the good part, watch this useful video from School of Squirt. It gives step-by-step video lessons and all the mindsets and techniques needed to give any girl squirting orgasms every time.*
Teasing and Building Anticipation
Building up anticipation is an important technique you should use. With women, it’s not just physical stimulation. They have to be mentally and emotionally turned on.
That’s also why it could take longer for women to get in the mood than men. But, of course, that’s not always the case.
For many women, cumming is both a physical and mental stimulation. That is why women enjoy reading erotica rather than just watching porn. Her mind is a powerful place for climaxing.
She needs to be horny and dripping wet before you even try to make her orgasm.
Know what she likes
No two women are the same. What feels great to one might not be great to the other.
If you have a previous partner, you can use what you learned from that experience with your current lover. However, you can’t expect your current girl to love what your previous one did.
For example, most women get off with direct clitoral stimulation. But that’s not a rule, and your girl might prefer G-spot stimulation or just penetration.
How about if she doesn’t know what she likes?
Take the lead. But always be attentive to her cues.
For example, does she push your hand away to stop? Or does she press it to herself, so you keep going?
Consider checking out our best sex tips for men guide to take your game to a new level.
Know her arousal triggers
I’ve been with women who are more vocal about what they enjoyed and what they didn’t. However, some are more reserved. They can be shy, but that doesn’t mean she has no cues that she’s aroused.
Observing your partner’s body language greatly helps. Of course, you can’t get it perfect the first few times, but you can definitely learn more over time.
Some of the common arousal triggers or cues are:
- Contented sighs
- Heavy breathing
- Goosebumps and shivers
- Leaning her body into you
- Flushed face
- Relaxed body
- Clenching her legs together
- Erect nipples
Sex and orgasm aren’t the main courses on the menu. Foreplay is just as fun, hot, and pleasurable when done right.
And it’s VERY important for a girl to orgasm.
Foreplay increases sexual arousal both for you and your partner. It gets the juices flowing, which is essential in making her vagina wet and increasing blood flow to her genitals, so they’re more sensitive and ready.
Some foreplay tips you should do are:
- Pillow talk
- Roleplaying wild fantasies
- Setting the mood with some candles
- Putting sex music on
- Dry humping
- Dirty talk
- Sensual massages
- Sensory play
Switch things up
Nothing spells blander than doing the same things again and again.
Yes, your girl enjoyed the way you kissed her neck, ate her, and then inserted your peen. And then you make the same pattern next time… and the next… and the next…
Trust me, the next time you reach out and make your go-to move to kiss her neck, she’ll roll over her blanket for a good snooze.
Variety is the spice of life. And there are countless ways to add variety to your sextivities.
Always doing it on the bed? How about trying to put your kitchen counter for some kinky eating sessions?
Tired of the familiar sensations? Introduce sex toys that vibrate and suck.
The world is your oyster.
An orgasm is an orgasm. But they’re not always the same. In fact, there are different types of Big Os for women. That means more ways for you to make your girl cum!
Orgasm By Fingering
Many guys think of fingering as putting the finger into the vagina (much as you would do with a penis), moving it in and out, and then calling it a day. Well, that could work.
But if you want to make her orgasm, you have to be good with your fingers AND hands. And most of that fingering and handiwork involves exploring the vagina externally.
The key to fingering is clit stimulation.
You may have heard this repeated a thousand times. But many women don’t orgasm from penetration alone.
Clit stimulation, however, tends to be very effective with its 8,000 nerve endings clumped into that one tiny spot.
How do you stimulate her clit using your fingers? First, you can massage it with your fingers. Just make sure you have some lubrication on your hands before directly touching it, whether from her natural juices or lubricant. Directly touching it with dry fingers can feel irritating.
Something to note
Always start slow. Even if a woman likes to go fast and hard, they still need a buildup. You can’t go from 0 to 100 in just one second.
Massage her vulva first and make sure she’s already wet before inserting even one finger inside.
Work your way in and keep your rhythm persistent. If you see her liking it, don’t switch to doing another thing. Instead, keep doing it until she reaches her edge.
- Use your tongue, and go down on her as you’re fingering.
- Do some housekeeping and keep your nails short. It reduces the risk of infection and ensures it won’t be painful for your girl if you accidentally stab her sensitive spots.
We’ve made an article on best clit stimulation tips that you can check.
Orgasm By Oral Sex
To make her reach orgasm through oral sex, you will have to learn how to perform cunnilingus—the pleasurable way.
Don’t kill the mood by diving straight between her legs. Girls could feel shy and uncomfortable when you go down on them.
So make sure they’re very horny, turned on, and practically begging for you to do it before you do.
Hit all her hotspots first—kiss her, grab her breasts, tease her nipples, etc.
Practice and experiment with different techniques to find out which combination of oral sex and labia lip stimulation gives her the most pleasure.
Most importantly, go all in. Be enthusiastic as you devour her and treat her like the queen she is.
- Sex furniture like queening stools makes oral sex easier. Your partner won’t have to support and balance her weight; she’ll just be enjoying the sensations, and she may even be able to bounce easily as she likes. It’s also easier for you as her pussy will be directly right on your face. You can even prop a pillow for more comfort!
- Make oral fun by spelling and tracing letters using your tongue.
- Give sexy suction with your lips on her labia, hood, and clit. Doing this gives your tongue a break and draws blood to the area, making it engorged and more sensitive.
Orgasm By Anal Sex
Unlock your woman’s anal O, and she’ll thank you forever.
A woman’s anus packs a lot of nerves that connect to the clitoris. This nerve, particularly the pudendal nerve, carries that pleasurable sensation to and from a woman’s perineum, vagina, vulva, and anus. Interesting, right?
That’s why many women describe orgasm from anal as a spreading wave of pleasure. For others, it feels like a pulse of contractions around the anal sphincter.
How to get started
First, she has to agree with the idea of anal sex.
Some women are uncomfortable with it, so make sure you get her consent and enthusiasm before exploring her backdoor.
Make sure you stock up on lube. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like her vagina. So lubricants are crucial to avoid friction and make insertion easy peasy.
Techniques you can try:
- Use your tongue. It doesn’t directly stimulate her A-spot, but that perianal area is an erogenous zone your tongue should wander into. Swirl it around the anus, and pushing the tip of your tongue into the opening can be hot as hell.
- Insert your finger—slowly. Put your lubed finger in and curl it to a “come hither” motion. Listen to her reactions as you gradually increase the speed and depth of your finger. Once you find the spot that makes her go “ooooh,” press your finger pad onto it (like you’re ringing a doorbell) or circle your finger around that area.
- Go to the next level and insert your penis or sex toy. Again, play with depth or add vibrations for more sensations.
Orgasm By G-spot Stimulation
It’s not for every woman, but it’s one of those things wherein you’ll never know unless you try. But how does it feel? Well, the women who orgasm from G-spot stimulation explain it as vaginal contractions, and some even squirt.
If you want to explore this with your girl, there are a few things to know:
Where’s the G-spot?
It can be tricky to find the G-spot as it’s not mapped out biologically. But it’s there!
The trusted way to spot the G-spot is using the “come hither” motion. Insert your finger into her vagina, palm up towards her belly button. It’s at the inner top wall of the vagina at about two to three inches in.
Some of the telltale signs you found are if you feel a bumpy area around that section when you touch it. And, of course, from her reaction.
Every woman’s vulva and vagina are different, so the only way for you to really know is by exploring.
The best sex positions to stimulate her G-spot
You can perform G-spot stimulation by fingering. But this time, let’s discuss how you can stimulate her G-spot during sex with these positions:
- Cowgirl – This is the best way for your girl to orgasm by her G-spot as she’s in control over the rhythm, depth, and angle. Moving her hips back and forth is also more effective than bobbing up and down.
- Doggy style – It’s a perfect angle to hit the G-spot during sex. Have her butt up in the air and her shoulders low and touching the bed.
- Missionary – But the closed variation. Instead of straddling between her legs, your woman has her legs closed while your legs go on the outside. This position isn’t for deep penetration (as the G-spot isn’t deep anyway), but it creates a tighter sensation and more friction against her G-spot.
Orgasm By Clitoral Stimulation
If you want a sure-fire way to make your girl orgasm, then go for clitoral stimulation. The clit is nicknamed the “pleasure nub” for a reason, and it’s always a dependable chap for women to reach their Big O.
The clit exists solely for pleasure. It doesn’t serve any other biological function, actually.
It may be pea-sized, but it’s quite easy to find. Its external portion, at least. It’s a nerve-dense part that sits at the apex of your girl’s labia.
Inside, there’s a whole, bigger hidden structure. But that discussion is for a different day, and we’ll focus more on stimulating the outer part that you can touch and see.
How to start
Warm-up her body. Her clit might not be ready to be touched just yet, so start with gentle strokes. It could take time for your girl to be aroused, and stimulating the clit immediately and directly might be too intense.
The best sex positions to stimulate your girl’s clitoris
Many positions allow you to stimulate her clit during sex. Some examples are missionary and spooning. You can easily reach her clitoris while performing these positions, giving her penetration + clit stimulation all at once.
Friction also does a really good job at clit stim. Have your partner glide up and down on your thigh or pubic bone.
The reverse rider position (the girl is straddling you, but she’s facing away from you) gives you a good angle and reach as well.
Techniques for clit stimulation
Here are techniques you can mix and match whether you’re using your finger, tongue, or sex toy
- Tapping motion on the clit and hood.
- Sliding up and down or back and forth across the clit and hood.
- Doing the “peace” sign on both fingers and softly pinching or tugging the clitoral hood.
- Grinding—no hands required. Have your girl grind on you or your pillow.
Orgasm By Squirting
Squirting or “female ejaculation” is incredibly arousing for a guy. So many men obsess over making a woman squirt. But it’s still a puzzle for many men (and even women) to accomplish. Here’s a guide on how to make a girl squirt.
Not all squirts are orgasms, and not all orgasms need to be squirts, and not all women experience squirting… and so on.
Important: No pressure!
Squirting can be a controversial discussion. Making a woman orgasm can be a challenge on its own, and squirting is so much trickier.
So don’t make your girl squirt just for your ego. Instead, treat it with an attitude of, “If she squirts, great! If she doesn’t, no biggie.”
It doesn’t happen to all women, and it doesn’t happen all the time, even for women who squirt.
Get your partner aroused, then ramp up clit + vaginal stimulation.
Squirting can happen during P-in-V intercourse. But squirting orgasm is more “achievable” using fingers or toys, especially if you’re still exploring this type of play.
But make sure she’s very, very aroused. Again, it’s different from woman to woman. But a good technique to explore is combining clit and vaginal stim.
- Insert your ring and middle finger into her vagina.
- Press your index and pinky finger against her labia.
- Next, press the heel of your hand against her clitoris.
- Thrust in and out or in a back-and-forth motion.
- Continue what you’re doing until you hear a splash-splash sound, and she squirts.
Giving your girl a single trip to O-town is great. But two, three, four, or more? That’s fantastic! And it’s very possible too.
Multiple or blended orgasms are the way to go if you want her to finish spent and collapse from pleasurable exhaustion.
What do multiple orgasms mean, exactly?
Multiple orgasms are cumming multiple times in one romp. It may be s p a c e d out, but they may also be blended and in quick succession from one to the other.
It’s pretty simple, and you just have to be really in tune with your partner’s orgasm. As she climaxes, pull back a little bit and then start ramping back again to give her another orgasm.
With the right timing and stimulation, she will orgasm in rolling waves of pleasure.
Best sex positions
TBH, there is no single sex position known to give your girl multiple orgasms specifically. This would depend on what your partner feels best for her. But don’t worry as I won’t leave you empty-handed.
Based on experience, here are sex positions that helped my partner have multiple forays of Os:
- Doggy, but she’s lying flat on her stomach
Another tip is that… it’s out of your control, but
Help your girl with her pelvic floor muscles.
Women who experience multiple orgasms often squeeze their pelvic floor muscles to prolong their orgasm. This, in turn, generates the subsequent climaxes.
Don’t Forget To Spice Things Up!
There are many ways for you to spice things up and make sex even more pleasurable.
Women get wet, and so many people skip lube. And TBH, some women might feel offended if you suggest using lube as she might think you think she doesn’t feel wet enough.
But it’s actually the key for girls to orgasm practically every time during sex.
Yep, a woman self-lubricates. But if they feel conscious or a little nervous, or even anxious that they are not wet enough, it could lead to vaginal dryness. And that leads to painful sex.
Lubricants let you get onto sex faster. If you’re well-endowed, it can also help your girl take you in more easily. Plus, it helps prevent membrane tearing.
They are even flavored lubes if you want to make oral sex more fun.
Want to explore more lube-tastic content? Check out our best sex lubricant review.
You may also call it teasing, peaking, surfing, or whatever you want to call it. But basically, it’s the practice of stopping orgasm right on edge.
After a few moments, bring her to orgasm again, only to stop when she’s on the brink again. You can do this two, three, four times, or more.
What’s the point when you actually want her to orgasm?
Well, edging can make orgasms MORE INTENSE.
But it’s essential to do this practice right. Denying her release can feel frustrating for your partner, so discuss beforehand and make sure she agrees before engaging in this activity.
Use Sex Toys
Some people worry that using sex toys means they aren’t enough for their partner, but what it really means is that you’re willing to go the extra mile to bring them pleasure.
If you want to give your partner earth-shattering orgasms, try these tips.
14 Tips and Techniques To Make Her Cum Using Sex Toys
1. Use a Vibrator on the Clit
Stimulating the clit is a crucial part of sex, but each woman has a different technique that works for her. First, you can try rubbing the vibrator back and forth over her clit, or holding the tip on one side of it.
You can also try simply holding the vibrator in place or moving it in a circle around her clit.
Speed is important, but don’t rush things.
Pay attention to her words and reactions to know how fast you should go.
2. Stimulation on every part
If she doesn’t get off on penetration, you can stimulate the entire vagina at once from the outside.
This works best with a dildo-shaped vibrator. Press the whole toy vertically against her vagina with the tip seated right under her clit. The vibrations will send pleasure through the nerves in her labia, clit, and U-spot.
3. Vibrator During Sex
Using a vibrator during sex is a great way to help your partner climax. It’s best to do this in positions like doggy or cowgirl where you can reach the clit easily, and she might prefer to use the vibrator herself.
Try to find a smaller vibrator that fits on your finger and won’t get in the way. If you don’t already have one, do your research and pick something as a gift or choose one together.
4. Use Dildos
Dildos can be a fantastic addition to foreplay and sex, but they aren’t the kind of thing you should buy without consulting your partner.
They’ll never replace the warmth, responsiveness, and connection you have with your partner (guys, never get jealous of a sex toy), but they can add length, girth, or even double penetration to your sexual experience.
5. Aim for the G-Spot
Sure, the G-spot seems like an obvious first priority for pleasing your woman. With a dildo, however, it might be a little less intuitive than it is with your dick.
Some dildos are curved specifically to hit the G-spot, but really all you need is to hit the right angle. This will depend on your partner, so work together to find the rhythm that’s most pleasurable.
Experiment with speed, and try a harder dildo if the stimulation isn’t enough or a softer dildo if it’s too much.
6. Or… Aim for the A-Spot
The A-spot isn’t as well-known as the clitoris or the G-spot, but the sexual satisfaction can be just as intense. However, the A-spot is further back than the G-spot, and you’ll probably need a longer dildo than normal to reach it.
You’ll want to insert the dildo and slide it in and out across the roof of her vagina and G-spot as you thrust. Start slow, and try not to hit the cervix – most women don’t enjoy that.
7. Opposite of the G-Spot
On the other hand, you can switch things up by stimulating the bottom wall of the vagina with steady thrusts as well. It won’t necessarily lead to orgasm, but dragging a dildo across that wall with each thrust can feel amazing for some women.
8. Twisting it with ‘Juicers’
These dildos require a lot of lube, but the experience is more than worth it. “Juicers” are dildos that come with cranks and can be twisted around after penetration.
It’s important to start slow, especially if it’s her first time with one. Some women love them, and some women don’t, but either way, it’s worth a shot.
9. Fill her up
There are so many ways to please a woman, but sometimes all it takes is the satisfying feeling of being filled with a cock.
Insert a dildo as deep as she likes, and then simply leave it there while you tease and stimulate other areas of her body. Just the presence of a hard dildo inside her can heighten all other sensations.
10. Dildo Anal Play
You absolutely need to use lube. Reapply as often as necessary, or you’ll lose the pleasure of the experience.
A dildo in the ass can be foreplay, a warm-up for anal sex, or an extra sensation while you stimulate her vagina.
11. Anal Beads
Anal beads are basically several butt plugs strung together. They’re made to be inserted and pulled out for pleasure, but timing is key. The feeling of several beads leaving your ass can take an orgasm from amazing to downright life-changing, so try to get the timing just right.
12. Use Dildos and/or Butt Plugs
Threeways can be complicated, but double penetration doesn’t have to be.
A dildo or butt plug can give fill her ass while you penetrate or stimulate her vagina. Some toys are even made for double penetration and have two ends.
Or vice versa – a dildo in her vagina can hit her most sensitive areas while you’re inside her ass. You can even use any combination of toys to penetrate her anally and vaginally while you pleasure her in other ways.
13. Cock Rings
A cock ring fits around the base of your dick to keep it as hard as possible during sex.
Some come with awesome vibrating attachments. Make sure your partner is into it, and try to find one that isn’t too tight or find one that stretches so you don’t experience pain during sex.
14. Pleasure and Pain
This isn’t for everyone, but if you or your partner are into masochism or sadism, try some toys that fit your fetish.
Spanking is a great place to start, but a paddle will really kick things up a notch.
If blunt pain isn’t her preference, try a stinging toy like a whip or a flogger. Make sure you have consent and try shopping for toys together, so you find something you both want.
Use Sex Furniture
When you hear sex furniture, you might think of BDSM dungeons. But nope. Regular vanilla folks can use them too.
There are a looooot of sex furniture pieces available, and each type can help bring different sensations for better orgasms. But, I’ll focus on helpful pieces of furniture that are more friendly for all users:
- Pillows and wedges – These are support devices that make sex positions more comfortable and accessible. Missionary not hitting the angles right? Prop a sex pillow to raise your girl’s hips without her exerting too much effort.
- Queening stools – Your girl might find sitting on your face pleasurable, but carrying her full weight can distract her from the pleasure. It can strain her back and legs. This stool is designed for facesitting and other positions like cowgirl. Plus, stools with straps even do the bouncing for you.
- Chaises – Sex chaises are large pieces of furniture that are the size of couches. If having sex on the sofa is your thing, sex chaises make different sex positions easier to execute.
Restraints blend psychology and sexuality in a heart-racing and thrilling way. Feeling helpless can remove our need for control, or hit us with adrenaline that heightens the sensation of our sexual experiences.
Blindfolding is an erotic play used in BDSM. But you can use blindfolding during sex even if you’re not into the BDSM lifestyle.
Restricting the sight of your woman intensifies her other senses, particularly her sense of touch. She will anticipate every touch and breath, becoming more sensitive.
A silk blindfold or scarf heightens her senses, but you can use anything to cover up her eyes.
The combination of heightened senses, excitement, and the kinkiness of blindfolding can lead your girl to reach her climax more intensely. But, it’s not extreme, and you don’t need extra toys or accessories for it.
As far as restraints go, few are as erotic or intense as handcuffs. You don’t need actual handcuffs to get the effect – ropes or other binds will work just as nicely – but they can give the most intense feeling of helplessness.
Have a safeword, keep the key handy, and cuff her to the bedpost while you use your tongue, cock, and toys to drive her mad with sexual bliss.
Like blindfolding, spanking isn’t exclusive to the BDSM scene. Yes, there is some pain involved. But it also comes with lots of pleasure.
Something to note
Before hitting your partner, discuss it with her and make sure you have her consent.
Erotic spanking is fun, and many women enjoy it. Here’s why:
- Feeling submissive – Many women like it when their partner asserts dominance over them. This adds to the psychological stimulation that would make her really wet.
- Sudden spike of sensation – Sometimes, women hold back on their orgasm when they’re on the brink. They may do it intentionally, or there may be other reasons for it. One reason most women do is they feel like they’re peeing, and they don’t want to pee, so they hold the sensation back. Spanking them gives a sudden feeling that releases a spike in the sexual pleasure and arousal level.
- Anticipation – Anticipating leads to excitement, which results in more sensitivity and intense sensations for the girl. But, of course, it’s important for you not to be predictable for her to get the spanking when she least expects it.
Play in the Shower
Taking a shower together is an intimate experience. And you can bring your sexual explorations into it as well.
Stimulating her vagina with a showerhead can be very naughty. However, it’s a technique that most women have tried, so she might be familiar with it. If not, you’ll be introducing her to a masturbation style she can explore at any time.
It’s also very simple. Take the shower head and direct the running water into her vagina and clitoris. That’s it.
The cascade of water will feel very stimulating, like rubbing a particular itch in the genital. And you doing it on her is going to be erotic.
After the earth stops shaking and you start catching your breath again, what to do next? Many tips and manuals give you advice on what to do before sex. But what about after?
- Clean up. Sex can be wet and messy. Throw away the dirty tissues, take the blanket to the washer, wipe the wet surfaces and wash your sex toys.
- Pee. It’s more important for women to urinate after sex to prevent UTIs, but you can do it too for good measure.
- Shower. Clean up AND enjoy a shared experience with your lover. It’s great to feel refreshed before going back to bed.
- Cuddle. Women love to cuddle after sex. That’s because of the release of oxytocin, a bonding chemical after the rush of an orgasm. Cuddling and bonding post-coital would make you feel closer with your partner.
- Gear up for round two? Women have a shorter refractory period (the time the body recovers from an orgasm) than men. So if you’re still ready for round two, the chances are high that she probably is too. Also, she might simply not yet be ready to tap out, so try engaging her more until she’s fully satisfied.
And, finally, continue watching that Netflix series that got paused while you were getting hot with your boo.
More Tips on How To Make Her Cum
Sometimes it’s not always about what you do but how you do it. With these extra tips, we’ll talk you through the moods and types of sex that can please your partner.
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: CONSENT is necessary, especially when we talk about some of the rougher stuff.
Submission and Domination
Most people prefer to be submissive or dominant during sex, and many people can do both. Before you get started, set clear limits on what she’s okay with and establish a safeword.
If she prefers to be dominated, then you need to take the lead.
Initiate sex, tell her what to do, move her body physically, and experiment with restraints. The dominant partner needs to be confident and assertive.
This doesn’t always mean you need to use restraints or pain. Oftentimes being dominant is as simple as making all the decisions and directing your partner sexually.
If she prefers to be dominant, or you prefer to be submissive, then simply reverse the roles. If you’re still curious, you can read more about getting into BDSM here.
Rough or Intimate Sex
Lots of people get rough sex confused with BDSM, but they aren’t necessarily the same thing. Rough sex doesn’t require a dominant or submissive partner, and BDSM doesn’t have to be rough.
Rough sex can go both ways (if you’ve never had your woman choke you while on top, you’re missing out), or it can be one-sided. It’s not necessarily about pain so much as it is about adding an animalistic passion to sex.
One of the most common examples of this is sexual choking.
Place your hand forcefully – but NOT painfully – on your partner’s neck and gently squeeze the sides (not the front, you don’t want to restrict airflow). Don’t dig in with your fingers; instead, keep them extended and try to apply wide pressure, steadily increasing to a level that’s arousing for you and your partner.
Choking shouldn’t last forever. Give it from 15 to 45 seconds, and only continue if your partner wants you to. Have a gesture that signals when she wants you to stop (a light tap on your arm works perfectly).
Spank with a wide palm when you can, and try to get a loud satisfying smack out of it.
Grab a handful of hair and squeeze it close to the scalp to give an erotic pulling sensation, but don’t yank it or pull it directly outward. Pin her arms above her head, grab or scratch her back and shoulders, and bite and suck her all over.
Most importantly, though, rough sex is about keeping high energy and sharp smooth movements. You can also add some dirty or degrading talk if you like.
Intimate sex, on the other hand, is about bringing all the love and passion of your intimate personal connection with your partner into the sexual motion of your two bodies. It can be fast, slow, quiet, or vocal.
Emotional pleasure is just as important as sexual pleasure in intimate sex – in fact, it can heighten the sexual pleasure your partner feels and make it easier for them to orgasm.
Make your partner feel comfortable, relaxed, and loved with everything movement of your boy. Wrap your arms around her while you’re inside her, squeeze and massage the tender areas of her body, and kiss her gently and passionately everywhere you can reach.
If done right, this is guaranteed to give you both butterflies, and butterflies lead to better orgasms.
Consistency doesn’t sound too exciting, but men often screw it up right before they make their partner cum.
Here’s a tip: if she yells, “don’t stop!” “keep going” or “I’m close!” it’s not a cue to change your strokes. Unless she says otherwise, don’t speed up or slow down.
Variety Is the Spice of Life
You don’t need to study the Kama Sutra to discover every position that’ll please your partner, but you will need to switch things up every now and again.
Don’t spend an entire sexual session in one position.
Flip her over, pull her on top, bend her over the bed – whatever it is, don’t let things get stale. Try new positions as often as you can. They won’t all be winners, but you’ll definitely find something you both like.
This might seem obvious, but even if you’re nervous, it’s important to be enthusiastic about sex. People match each other’s energy, so if you’re enthusiastic, it’s more likely she will be too.
Plus, it’s a confidence booster. If she knows you want her, she’ll be more bold and active during sex. If you’re low energy, she might feel like you don’t want her.
Orgasm shouldn’t be your end-all and be-all. It’s one of those things where it’s the journey and not the destination.
Yes, you shouldn’t leave your girl hanging just because you’ve hit your peak. But you also shouldn’t be too hard on her (and yourself) if she doesn’t.
She could still enjoy sex without orgasm. What’s most important is that you’re both happy and sated. Anyways, you can always try again next time. 😉