Sexy Massage? 8 Expert-Approved Tips For ALL Couples

Giving your partner a sexy massage is not only erotic but also super beneficial to both of your health. Let our step-by-step guide help you how to do it right, and you’re in for some fun, sensual time.

Regular massages are relaxing. 

Erotic massages? Life-changing. Sunshines and rainbows. Euphoric bliss.

Couples can try a sensual massage session for a sexy time. You don’t have to be an expert at it, but you should at least know what you’re doing. Massages, when done wrong, could be painful.

So, here is everything you need to know to give your partner the best sexy massage.

Benefits of a Sexy Massage

A massage is one of the most intimate kinds of touch. It’s a great way to communicate with your partner in a non-verbal way. With each rub, caress, and stroke, you can tell your partner you adore them.

Yes, massages loosen tensions and relieve the body from physical pain. And that’s great. But it also helps unblock your partner’s mind. With your partner more relaxed, they can indulge in sexual pleasure more.

Convinced yet? Here are MORE benefits of a sexy massage:

Verrry arousing

Giving your partner a massage might seem like a tiring idea for you. But it can be very arousing.

You can explore your partner’s body in ways you don’t normally do. Getting them turned on will also turn you on. Swear.

A lot of it involves the idea that a massage checks various conditions for arousal.

For one, the relaxation.

Second, getting a massage gives your partner a sense of safety.

Third, as the receiver receives the pleasure, they get the feeling of being attended to—which is nice.

Furthermore, the body and nervous system have trigger points that could result in orgasm. So, unlike what you might think, we don’t ONLY climax from penetration or stimulating the good ol’ erogenous zones.

For example, stimulating the spine and lower back muscles can trigger a release of energy and blood flow to the small intestines, bladder, and other sexual orgasms. That’s why it feels pleasurable for the receiver.

Women, in particular, carry a lot of tension in their lower back, especially in the hips and pelvis. Easing those muscles releases tension, potentially leading to back-gasms.

Massaging your partner also gives you an opportunity to learn new areas of their body.

In addition, the skin-in-skin contact builds connection and intimacy and lets you focus on highly sensual areas without involving the genitals—yet.

Relieve body pains

As adults, it’s normal to feel body pains because we do a lot of work throughout the day. In fact, there are A LOT of factors that contribute to sore muscles. Some examples are:

  • Sleeping in the wrong position – If most of your slumber occurs in the wrong position at night, you’ll be suffering throughout the day.
  • Sudden muscle strains – This could happen at any moment. For example, you extended your arm to reach for the top shelf, and you felt a pain in your arm muscle out of nowhere.
  • Repetitive movements – Repeating movements again and again can put a painful kick in your body.
  • Awkward or straining positions – If you exercise or do work that’s not in the “regular” body movements, you can expect to feel sore afterward.
  • Work – Sitting in front of your desk for 8 hours or doing field work can strain your entire body.

Sore muscles ≠ sexy time.

It’s hard to get in the mood when your body aches during bedtime. And if you or your partner is postponing your sexy time because of body pains, then a sensual massage is something you should try.

We seek a massage when we feel body aches to have relief. 

Basically, a body massage interrupts the nociceptors or nerves that report pain in an injured tissue AND releases endorphins, which serve as your body’s natural analgesic.

Stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system

Wait, what?

Don’t worry. I’ll explain that to you in simple terms.

There are two major divisions of the larger autonomic system: parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems.

The sympathetic nervous system is referred to as the “fight and flight” system. This part takes care of how your body responds to an emergency and prepares you to react quickly. When this happens frequently, it leads to stress.

Stress, your natural mental and physical reactions to these experiences, comes important here because it triggers the following adverse effects:

  • Low sex drive – Being always stressed and fatigued leads to low libido.
  • Erectile dysfunction – Stress can interfere with an erection because your brain plays an important role in getting aroused.
  • Missed periods – For women, stress can throw their cycle off due to fluctuating hormones.

Meanwhile, the parasympathetic nervous system refers to the “rest and digest” side.

Think of it this way: Hundreds of years ago, our ancestors greatly used their fight or flight system when they hunted and stayed on the lookout for predators. But, of course, we don’t do those anymore. 

Instead, our rest and digest system can function in a “business as usual” system or, in other words, the body can work as it normally should. 

Example? Getting aroused and reaching an orgasm.

That’s also why if you get a “regular” massage, you might feel aroused even if you didn’t mean to. In fact, some women get aroused and experience orgasm from massage alone—and it wasn’t even sexual.

So, when you do it with your partner, in a sensual way, then you can expect a very sexy night.

Relaxation and sexual energy

Sex can relieve stress because it triggers oxytocin, which is known to us regular folks as “feel good” hormones. These hormones then promote feelings of relaxation.

Sex and being relaxed always go together.

But there are also times when it’s hard to get turned on because of stress. So one way to help relieve that stress is through a sexy massage.

Massages, naturally, have a physical response. It relaxes muscle tissues.

When you touch the skin and apply the correct pressure, it helps relax muscles, ligaments, and tendons. As a result, it loosens those contracted, tensed muscles. Plus, it improves circulation in the body. This, in turn, enhances the delivery of nutrients and oxygen to the muscle cells.

Sounds good, right?

It’s essential to do the massage the right way (simply meaning it shouldn’t be too deep or too intense that it could injure your partner), but you don’t necessarily have to be a professional masseuse to do so.

A SEXY massage—not just ANY massage—is meant to be sensual.

That means during the massage, you can get turned on along the way. 

It’s hitting two birds with one stone: you get to relax your muscles and feel aroused, jumpstarting your sexy time.

Good form of exercise

Massage is a form of exercise for you and your partner. Both people giving AND receiving the massage can burn calories during this activity.

A 160-pound female giving a massage can burn 289 calories for a one-hour massage.

But how does a person receiving a massage, who’s only lying down, burn calories as well?

Everyone burns calories regardless of what they do—even when you’re sleeping! It’s just that the rate of calories burned will depend on the type of activity the person is doing.

So, again, a 160-pound person receiving a massage can burn an average of 67 calories for an hour.

As expected, the “giver” burns more as they move and do more work.

Steps for Sexy Massage

Now that you’re ready to engage in some sexy massages with your partner, you’ll need to arm some know-hows on how to do it right. But, of course, you don’t have to be an expert therapist or masseuse.

1. Determine the sensations you want

A sexy massage doesn’t limit you to only using your hands. It could be a good chance to explore more sensation play

Sensation play stimulates a person’s senses in various ways, heightening pleasure in multiple ways. For example, our senses can invoke eroticism, fantasy, or memory that makes us more aroused. That’s why it’s so interesting to explore sensation play.

Sex isn’t all about penetrative sex. It’s a good time to be more experimental in connecting to pleasure and learning more about your body and desires this way. With that, here are some sensations you might want to explore during this massage:

  • Candles: It’s also called “wax play.” You might associate it with BDSM, but vanilla couples can do this even more. Dripping hot wax gives the sensation of pain and erotic pleasure. For your partner, it can feel great. Plus, it looks so erotic and kinky. You can also build more anticipation and increase the fun by implementing sensory deprivation with blindfolds.
  • Temperature play: Go hot or cold. You can use toys such as stainless steel or glass sex toys. Those materials retain temperature really well. Or you can also incorporate ice cubes! Dripping ice cream on your partner’s body is also a good idea that you can lick off.
  • Wartenberg wheels: This is a handheld spiky pinwheel that you can use to stimulate all over her body during the massage. You can do so under different levels of pressure. Go for a tickling sensation with light and gentle pressure or the pain-is-pleasure way by going deeper.
  • Feather ticklers: These stimulate the sensory system by increasing the feeling when the tickler touches the body and enhancing the whole body experience. Basically, it increases the blood flow where it touches the skin’s surface. They are very easy to use and add a mix of fun into the play.
  • Blindfolds: As we mentioned, you can also enhance the sensations by simply depriving your partner of one of their senses. In this case, their sight. It builds an intense sense of anticipation. Your partner won’t know what will happen next or where you will touch her. Since they can’t rely on their sense of sight, their other senses, particularly the sense of touch, heightens. The skin is the largest organ of the body, after all.

Something to note

Communication and consent are essential to establish before doing the act with any of these.

Consider checking out our best sex tips for men guide to take your game to a new level.  

2. Pick the best lubricant

When you give your partner a massage, you need to consider how you’ll go with it in terms of friction.

The first option is dragging. This means friction gives off a slight pulling sensation as your hands run over your partner’s skin.

The second is gliding. With it, your hands can fluidly stroke your partner’s skin without friction.

Which one is better? That depends. So it’s best to go by combining both techniques.

The key here is the lubricant. And it should be in the right KIND and the right AMOUNT.

These are the options you have:


There are different types of therapeutic body massage oils. They even have vital nutrients for the skin for extra benefits. But, of course, it’s always nice to go natural, so here are some examples you can try:

  • Olive oil: It’s very moisturizing and great for a light massage. It’s also known to ease aches, inflammation, and muscle spasms.
  • Almond oil: Great for people with sensitive skin. It’s not too heavy or too light so that anyone can use it.
  • Grapeseed oil: If you prefer an oil with no smell, go for this. It even has antimicrobial benefits.
  • Coconut oil: You can pair it with essential oils as it’s a good carrier oil. Use this if you go for short strokes.
  • Argan oil: This is popularly used for therapeutic massages and spas. It keeps the skin moisturized for long without being greasy.
  • Jojoba oil: A bit pricier than other oils, but worth it. It has no odor, is an excellent carrier oil, and has a long shelf-life.
  • Sunflower oil: Easy to find but does turn rancid quickly. Only get this in small quantities.
  • Peanut oil: Easily available and popular in aromatherapy because of its pleasant, nutty aroma. Downside? Some people are allergic to peanuts.


You can be creative here by choosing oils based on scents, as they also provide aromatherapy. 

Here’s a quick list of essential oils with aphrodisiac effects for your erotic massage session:

  • Ylang ylang: Great for sexual stimulation as it gives a feeling of euphoria and self-esteem.
  • Lavender: Improves sexual experience by giving off high levels of relaxation.
  • Clary sage: Helps set the mood for sex as it’s shown to decrease stress hormones.
  • Sandalwood: Boosts mood and increases levels of desire, especially for women.
  • Carpolobia: For male sexual performance. In fact, men in Africa chew the stem and root of carpolobia to boost their performance during sex.


If your partner doesn’t like oils, you can use massage lotions. However, they tend to feel cold, so the professional therapists and spas use lotion warmers. For massages, they usually go for warmth.

That said, they also provide skin benefits like locking in moisture. So, ultimately, it boils down to preference.


Candles set the mood for an erotic night. Plus, you can use it to massage the wax into the skin.

It’s important to note that you don’t just use ANY candle.

Regular candles will harden as it dries. Instead, you need to get a massage candle made with body-safe oils that melt.


Aside from the usual massage lubricants, you can also use your good ol’ lube for an erotic massage!

There are many types:

Normally, you use it during sex. But they can also double as massage lubricants, especially oil-based lubes. They are very long-lasting and feel sensual.

Want more than one type? Then, of course, you can go ahead and use more than one. There’s no strict rule to that!

Something to note

Anything that touches the skin should be tested first, especially for people with sensitive skin.

Before the session, you can do a patch test to check if your partner’s skin doesn’t react to the lubricant you’ll use before you dab it all over their body.

Want to explore more lube-tastic content? Check out our best sex lubricant guide.

3. Set the mood

When you’re doing a massage, what does that mean? Nakedness.

Your partner will be naked (and you can too) during the sesh. Hence, you should make the room’s atmosphere comfortable and sensual

For example, make sure it’s the right temperature. Since your partner’s naked, avoid having a room that is too cold. When they are shivering, they won’t be able to enjoy the massage. At the same time, the room shouldn’t be so hot that you and your boo will be dripping in sweat.

So how should you set the mood?

  • Set the right intention. You should know what you’re setting the mood for before you can set the right mood. For example, as you’re going for a sensual massage, the mood is more of slow and sensual pleasure than a crazy headboard slamming romp. With that, you can ensure you and your partner are on the same page.
  • Dim the lights. It may be cliche, but it works, and it’s worth the effort. Lighting is very crucial to set the mood in the room. Bright lights like fluorescent lighting are just unflattering and unsexy. And it’s not relaxing for a sexy massage. Instead, go for soft, warm, and indirect light that casts the room in a sultry glow. For example, if your lamp is too bright, you can toss a scarf over it.
  • Light a candle. Simply lighting a candle is a quick and easy way to create a sexy backdrop and sensual ambiance in the room. The flickering candlelight makes the mood of the room more intimate. Plus, there’s just such a flattering glow when the light bounces and bathes your body sexily. Use a scented candle to get the proper fusion of scents to add more ambiance. You might even use a massage candle!
  • Remove visual distractions. When you’re preparing your room for a sensual massage, you’d want to have a relaxing and stress-free atmosphere. That means no visual distractions like piles of clothes on the floor or trash lying around. Your partner could not relax when they see this stuff while getting a massage as they’ll be reminded of the stress and chores to do! Having a thoughtful space helps you and your partner at ease.
  • Cue the playlist. Music is relaxing and can be an aphrodisiac, and it’s essential when setting the mood. But, of course, you need to play the right music. Usually, massage parlors use relaxing music like nature sounds—you know, those chirping birds and flowing water. That’s TOO relaxing. Your partner might snooze. If you’re going for a sexy massage, you’d want sensual and sexy music. No rock and loud tunes. Go for seductive jams like some good R&B.
  • Place the tech away. Aside from your device playing the music, keep the tech away from reach—even when they’re on vibrate mode. The only thing that should be vibrating during your massage session is your bodies. *wink* 

4. Undress

This is a massage. Of course, you’d have to go nakey-nakey!

You can make undressing a sexy experience, not just stripping off clothes one by one and calling it a day.

If you want to go the extra mile, you can start the session right from the moment you undress your boo. Here’s how:

  • Start with the shirt. (Duh.) Peel your partner’s shirt very s-l-o-w-l-y. Treat the process like you’re opening a Christmas present—with excitement, but you’re relishing the anticipation.
  • Suck the nipples. Optional! You can jumpstart the sexy session by not pulling the shirt all the way—stop at your partner’s nipples. Then, suck their nips. Mix kissing and sucking for a better experience. That would get them hot and ready.
  • Unzipping. Again, with a slow movement, unzip their pants or slowly take their bottoms off. Let it drop and have your partner step out of them.

Something to note

Your partner isn’t the only one who should be naked. You can also go nude while doing the massage for a hotter experience!

5. Start the massage

As we mentioned, you don’t have to be a trained and professional masseuse to do a sexy massage on your partner. But to make the experience better, you don’t just “act” like you’re doing the massage and only let your hands roam your partner’s body aimlessly.

It’s essential to know how to do the sensual massage as well.

Have your partner in a prone position (lying face down on their stomach).

Knowing how to position yourself is crucial to do the massage without being too strained or physically exhausted. It takes force and effort to massage someone, so you need to know the proper techniques to be comfortable along the way.

With that, have your front knee slightly bent while you put your weight on your back leg. This stance gives you a good balance.

Pro Tip

Prop a pillow under your partner’s ankle during the prone position. Doing so aligns the spine with the rest of their body, making the position more relaxing.

Start with your massage. A good area to start is the back.

Coat your hands with your chosen lubricant. You can rub your hands together to warm it up before putting it on your partner.

Slowly do long and light strokes on their entire back, including either side of the spine. Keeping it light at first is crucial because you’d want to warm up their body to the pressure applied.

The first few touches should be purposeful, lingering, and long. 

Use the heel of your hand when doing fluid movements as you work through the entire length of their muscle. Have your hands lay flat while your fingers are relaxed, so they splay. Doing so lets you follow along the contours of your partner’s body with ease.

Pro Tip

Ask your partner if any part of their body is sore or in any particular pain. You can start and focus your attention on those areas.

A good way to ease tension in the muscle is by doing deep strokes. Experiment with pressure—go light or hard, depending on your partner’s preferences.

From the back, you can move on to the buttocks, thighs, inner thighs, and calves. 

Take enough time to focus on each area before moving to the next. At least two minutes for each part is a good length to start with. 

But if you feel a knot in their muscle, you can focus on it a bit longer and knead that bad boy out.

Press, knead, and roll the thumbs against the body to work out the tension in the muscles. Then, use the full extension of your thumb to smoothly stroke it in a motion that moves away from you simultaneously. It gives off a continuous rolling sensation that rids of knots and tight spots.

Best body parts for this: back, shoulders, feet, and thighs.

6. Flip to the front side

Have your partner switch to the supine position (lying face-up on their back). The fun part!

Not only can you look at each other’s eyes, but this is the perfect position and access to start teasing your partner more. But don’t head straight for the sexy areas yet! You’d want to build up tension and anticipation more.

Like in the prone position, you can use a pillow under your partner’s knees for elevation and straighter body form.

You can move on to knead their shoulders, arms, elbows, and wrists. Finally, you can graze your nails along the sensitive areas, especially on the insides of the elbows.

Moving forward, you can work your way down to their legs and torso, especially the inner thighs.

Going further down, you’ll get to your partner’s feet. Pay special attention here. 

The feet are super tired from being used throughout the day, and massaging them would quickly feel pleasurable. 

Plus, they’re so sensitive! Kneading that specific sweet spot by the arch feels soooo good.

7. Dirty talk

When you’re going for an erotic massage, you don’t just engage the sense of touch. Instead, maximize everything—including dirty talk, which stimulates the mind as well.

You can incorporate sexy talk during massage by being more explicit. Adore each body part. Be vocal about how much you love it. Tell her what you’re going to do and where you’ll touch.

Some people feel shy when talking dirty. And that’s okay. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be vulgar or crude.

What’s important to know is that you don’t overthink it. It doesn’t even need to be super creative. 

If it makes it easier for you, you don’t need to go into specifics. For example, you don’t need to mention their girth or exact cup size. Yikes. You can simply say, “You’re so sexy” or “I love your body.”

You can even throw in some pretty general adjectives, like “wet” and “huge.” *wink*

Pro Tip

Another great tip? Whisper in your partner’s ear. Not only is it ticklish, but it’s also oh-so-sexy.

Interested in other ways to enhance pleasure with dirty talking? Check out our ultimate guide on what to say during sex.

8. Go for the happy ending

An erotic massage could just be that—a massage. But it could also be foreplay to take things further in the bed.

After you massaged their back, neck, arms, legs, and the whole shebang, start teasing. Don’t dive straight to their sexy bits. 

Touch closely to their private parts without actually touching them. For example, massage around the breast instead of going for the nipples. Stroke the inner thighs without touching their penis or vagina.

Once you’ve teased them enough, that’s only when you FINALLY go to the naughty bits.

You can make slow circles around her clitoris or give your partner a light hand job (that then goes into a blow job). After these soft touches, you can add more pressure by firmer stimulations.

There’s a high likelihood that your partner will orgasm from the sexy massage session. Then, after their euphoric release, you can get in bed with them to cuddle. 

Or, you can go for a full-blown sex session before the orgasm part, depending on what you and your partner decide to go for.


An erotic massage is one of the most luxurious, slow-burn, and sensual foreplays. It turns on your partner while giving you a perfect way to connect physically and emotionally. It’s time to add this sexy activity to your repertoire!

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

Over last 4 years Dainis have helped millions of people through his advice on this site (200+ guides and 1M+ visits/monthly). His work & advice has appeared on sites like: Healthline, Vice, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, WomensHealthMag, MindBodyGreen & more. Read More.

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