How To Turn A Girl On: Pro Tips to Get Her in the Mood for You

Learning how to turn a girl on starts with her mind, followed by boosting her sex drive and learning her sexual triggers to get aroused. Read on for more tips:

Women get turned on differently than men. What works on you may not work for her.

Thankfully, you’ve come to the right place for answers. This article has all the pro tips you need to make your girl as horny as ever. 

But first, let’s break down some general views you should know about human arousal. 

The Common Perspective

  • Guys are visual creatures. That’s why porn is popular among men. However, women are different. It’s more about their feelings. Their imagination. Their deeper fantasies. That’s why erotic novels and films are more to their liking. 
  • It’s easy for guys to get horny. Just take them to a strip club. And voila, they’re all ready to go. However, if you take a girl, you might get varying results. They might be into it. Or you might’ve just scared them off. 

    Women are complicated. A man in a skimpy outfit may not be enough. Sometimes, all it takes is a gentleman in a clean and tailored suit. So, it’s just all about the gamble at the end of the day. 
  • Preferences can make or break your chances. Many guys like women who easily laugh at their jokes. But for girls, it’s a whole different story. 

    Having a guy who’s too forward can be off-putting. It comes across as creepy if they laugh too easily. It might even seem desperate. So, it all just depends. 

There is a clear difference between men and women.

You need to put that in mind if you want to understand what makes her tick. It may not seem important at first. But it does add a lot of oomph to her orgasms. 

Sometimes, lasting longer in bed is just not going to cut it. There’s more that you can do. You just need to put some effort into it. 

Learn to take advantage of the things you know. Use every tool you have at your disposal. You want to give your girl mind-breaking sex, right? So, settle up! 

You’re going to be a changed man once you’re done reading this guide. 

But before all that, let’s start with the basics. Shall we?

The Process

Getting your partner in the mood is an entire process. However, men have it EASY compared to women.


Here’s a guy’s thought process:

  • If they see someone hot, they get horny.
  • If they hear something hot, they get horny.
  • If they think of something hot, they get horny.

It’s that simple. Men are NOT that complicated when it comes to their libido. 


On the other hand, girls have a lot of things to consider:

  • First, you have to remove their sexual brakes. Common examples include:
    • Stress
    • Anxiety
    • Guilt
    • Feeling Unworthy
    • Shame
    • Health & Hormonal Issues
    • Drugs
    • Etc.
  • Then, you have to trigger their sexual accelerators. Maybe massage them first. Or take a bath together. Or have a candlelit dinner with her. 
  • Once that’s over, then you could go on with the sex. 

These steps may seem simple. But A LOT is happening.

Each step relates itself to another. So, you must always consider what comes next or before. If it’s hard for you to understand these relationships, then don’t worry. 

We are going to give you more details on this whole process below.

3-Step Guide to Getting Her in the Mood

Step No.1: Getting Rid of Sexual Brakes.

Women can have a lot of brakes on their sex drive. Some can even be bad for their overall health.

What you need to do is to acknowledge the source first. Don’t just go into steps 2 and 3. Figure out the root of the problem.

Know what’s holding her back. Get that out of the way first. Once you do, then you’re set. All that’s left for you to think about is to figure out her triggers. 

Step No.2: Increasing Her Accelerators.

Many things can trigger a woman’s arousal. You just need to figure out what she wants. What are her preferences? Is she into beards? What about guys with long hair? 

She’s your girl. Talk to her. Open up about these things. It’s all for the better for your relationship.

So, man up! Let her know that you have what it takes to please her desires. 

Step No.3: Diving Into Foreplay.

You’re one step closer now. After steps 1 and 2, then the next goal is foreplay. It’s time for you to show her your moves. 

You don’t have to be a pro right off the bat. Sometimes, it’s just nice to introduce new things in bed. Remember, you don’t have to rush. 

Take your time.

If you want to experiment, then go on ahead. Foreplay is all about knowing what works and what doesn’t. HAVE FUN!

A secret to a good relationship is trying new things together. So, spending time exploring each other’s bodies can only benefit you both in the long run.

Consider checking out our best sex tips for men guide to take your game to a new level.  

Sexual Brakes

Knowing how to remove her brakes is very important. It’s probably the most vital step out of the three listed above. 

But. Hear me out. It’s also one of the hardest.

And to some, it’s also one of the least exciting things in the process. Doing this step right will guarantee you an out-of-this-world experience. 

However, ignoring it may leave you with some less effective results.


There has been some research done on a woman’s arousal process. For most, their type of roleplay is very different from that of males. There has to be some preparation involved first. 

So, forget about dirty talk and sexting. You’ll have to do more than that.  But first, you have to know what experts call the dual-control model.

Dual-Control Model

The dual-control model describes people having sexual brakes and sexual accelerators.

What are these? Well, they can be defined as follows: 

  • Sexual Brakes – are anything that turns a person’s sex drive off. 
  • Sexual Accelerators – are triggers that enable a person to get aroused. 

Most men have less sensitive Brakes and more sensitive Accelerators. That’s why they get easily turned on. But for women, their Brakes are generally more sensitive.

So it doesn’t matter if their Accelerators are also more sensitive as well. That’s why it seems like girls have a lower sex drive compared to guys. 

In reality, all it takes is some help to remove those Brakes. You need to understand that first if you want to make your girl horny. 

Remember, these Sexual Brakes may not seem obvious on the surface.

There’s a lot of unpacking that has to happen.

Yes, you can always pull the trigger on their turn-ons. But ignoring what holds your girl back can also get damaging.

That’s why you need to learn about the hurdles women experience and feel in their life. 

The Stress

Stress is a common Brake women experience. It dulls the sensation in the genitals during sex and causes pain. 

Now, stress may come from a lot of places. It could be from family. It could be from friends. Maybe even from the relationship itself.

No matter where it is, it’s your job as the partner to help her through it. Help her de-stress her life.

At Home

Look for ways to lighten up her load. For example, do you have kids together? Does she have a lot of chores to do? If so, then take some responsibility for yourself.

Don’t just leave all the work at home to her. You’re in this commitment together. So, make sure you take some of the heavy liftings as well. 

Maybe call a babysitter if you’re busy. What about a nanny?

At Work

Jobs can be very stressful. And yes, there will be times wherein your partner would get too busy. So, what you can do is encourage her to unwind. 

Maybe offer her a vacation. Or a simple date night would do. 

Move her mind elsewhere. Having them think of work 24/7 can be bad for their mental health. So, distract them to something more romantic or adventurous. 

Other Sources of Stress

Many other places can add to your partner’s stress. It’s not all at home or work. Sometimes, it could even be something more personal.

Has something changed with her? She might’ve suddenly felt overwhelmed. Does she feel like she’s losing control?

Times of feeling uncertain can get to a person. While it seems like you can’t do anything about it, there are a few solutions you could try out.

Stress Solutions

You can do a lot of things to help de-stress your woman. All it takes is some time and effort.

Of course, no need to pressure her. You want to make it as comfortable of an atmosphere as you can. If she says she has to work on things on her own first, then let her. Just let her know that you’re there. 

In this case, why not give suggestions instead? 

Lucky for you, this article’s got you covered. Here are some stress solutions to try out: 

1. Have A Better Sleep Schedule

Stress and sleep go hand in hand. Poor sleep hygiene can make your girl MORE stressed. The more stressed she gets, the less quality sleep she’ll get.

To avoid this, why not have her work on her sleep schedule?


Let your woman get enough rest. But don’t let her overdo it. You don’t want to have her panic waking up late, right?

2. Meditate

Meditation can help her calm her mind. It allows her to center herself. 

Yes, she’ll be able to lower her stress levels. But she could also improve her focus. Help her connect better. And if you want, you could always join her. So make this activity something you could do together. 

Meditation is all about mindfulness. And with increased mindfulness, there would also be an increase in one’s sexual function. 

3. Avoid Stimulants

There are several drugs and stimulants your girl should avoid to de-stress. Take, for example, cocaine or caffeine.

Studies have found that these stimulants increase psychological stress. 

Increased psychological stress leads to not being able to think straight. As a result, this could hold your girl back from making rational decisions. 

So, the moral of the story, have her avoid coffee if you want to make her horny. 

4. Talk to Someone

Have her talk to someone. A professional could help. But sometimes, it’s also nice to have a deep conversation with someone she knows personally. 

If she does that, then it’ll help her feel better. She’ll be able to lift a heavy weight off her shoulders. 

Here’s the deal, it can be tough to express feelings. But, having familiar conversations can make one feel at ease. It makes them comfortable. 

So, what better way to help her relax than have her simply talk to someone. It could be a close friend of hers. Maybe a relative. Or maybe even YOU

5. Do Yoga

Research shows that yoga can also be effective in reducing stress. It combines stretching, breathing, and meditation. This solution is a perfect fit if she likes to flex with poses. 

6. Take A Walk Outside

Is nature walking her thing? If it is, then she’s another step closer to lowering her stress levels. 

Studies show that taking a walk outdoors results in lower blood cortisol levels. Lower cortisol levels mean lower signs of stress. 

So, why not go on a hike sometime? Take her outside. Take in the sea breeze. It’ll be a good change of pace for both of you. 

7. Get A Massage

How about a massage? Is she in desperate need of relaxation? Then, this is the answer for her.

A massage can help her de-stress mentally and physically.

It helps her loosen up. It helps her get used to the touch.

Now, getting professional help is always welcome. But, you could also do this yourself. You don’t have to spend money.

Take some time to service your woman. It’ll help her relax better. And, it’ll help improve the intimacy you have with her. 

8. Diet

Not eating enough or too much can contribute to stress. But, again, it’s all about balance. You need to know how to get things in order. 

Your girl doesn’t need to go to extreme lengths. A proper consultation with a nutritionist could already do so much. 

If you want, you could also get your dietary schedule as well. Let her know that you’re in this with her. 

9. Find Effective Coping Strategies

Some stressors are hard to avoid. The best way to deal with this is to find effective coping strategies instead. Of course, some form of meditation and counseling can always work.

Just Remember:

Avoiding stress may stress you out more. So, better deal with it upfront. 

10. Remove Stress Enablers

The sure way to get rid of stress is to remove it altogether. But, it’s not a simple task. Many factors can contribute to a person’s stress.

Though some solutions you could try include:

  • changing your day-time job,
  • reducing responsibilities outside of your home,
  • hiring help,
  • and being better at managing finances

Being Taken For Granted

Many people out there feel taken for granted. It’s not just something that women have. But to them, it could act as an obstacle to their sex drive.

You may seem like the perfect guy in front of her. But sometimes, it’s hard to avoid doing it. So, what should you do?

Well, all you have to do is acknowledge her. Let her know that you appreciate her efforts in the relationship.

Feeling Misunderstood

Having someone understand you can make the relationship that much worth it. It just feels like someone is there on your side. 

Something to note

If a girl feels misunderstood, then it’s natural for her to avoid having to form a connection. 

So, make sure to put in the work. Form a deeper bond with them. Put yourself in their shoes. 


Establishing Trust

Not having trust in a relationship can have your girl be cautious around you. Worse, they might’ve tried to avoid you as much as possible. 

So, if you want to build trust, then keep these things in mind:

  • Be honest
  • Be patient
  • Be transparent
  • Be consistent
  • Don’t play games
  • Don’t manipulate
  • And be open to difficult conversations

Make sure you’re not keeping secrets from her. You want to avoid having her stress too much about the relationship while she has a lot on her plate. So, learn to be more forward when it comes to this stuff.

Her Menstrual Cycle

A woman’s menstrual cycle is a natural process. So, it’s perfectly normal if she’s not in the mood once a month. 

Something to note

Sexual desire is usually the lowest during this period.

So, don’t feel bad about getting rejected. Just wait it out. There are many other things you could do.


Women who are in menopause have a decreased sex drive

Why? Well, that’s because menopause reduces the sex hormones women have in their bodies. As a result, it would act as a Brake to their sexual desire. They would be less sensitive to touch. 

They would have less blood flow in their sensitive areas. And overall, it makes the arousal process hard to maintain. 

Traumatic Experiences

Having experienced sexual assault can make a woman feel awkward around her partner. That’s because it makes her feel unsettled. Afraid. Nervous. 

Feeling nervous can contribute to a lower libido. It’s because it prevents blood from flowing onto the erogenous areas of the body.

Additionally, nervousness can keep the brain from distributing serotonin. Thus, resulting in lower levels of happiness as well.

Working Out

Exercise can IMPROVE a woman’s sex drive. It doesn’t matter the age. 

Remember, sex is all about blood flow. It’s about the mind and body’s connection. It’s about feeling good. 

And, working out is practically the same. It helps improve one’s self-esteem. It helps you look good.

In this regard, a laid-back lifestyle can be a dangerous Sexual Brake. But too much exercise can also cause issues. So again, learn to balance it out. 

Sexual Shame

Sexual shame can come from a lot of sources. Even sexual trauma can be one. But, other things could play a part as well. For example: 

  • Personal beliefs
  • Religious beliefs
  • Social pressures
  • And so much more

Whatever it may be, shame can lead to physical anxiety. In turn, it can lead to a lower sex drive.

Sexually liberated women are typically viewed unfavorably among many social groups. So, it’s not far off to say that these same women are anxious individuals.

While liberated, there are setbacks. So, it’s just a lose-lose situation in the end. 

Having said that, you could always recommend a professional therapist. They’ll be able to help your woman sort her life out. They’ll help her accept. And most importantly, they’ll help her recover.

A Woman’s Age

There’s no specific age at which a woman peaks in their sexual urges. Regardless, a person’s sex drive decreases as they age. Not only for women. But for men as well. 

Studies show that fertility in women decreases in their late twenties. Thus, resulting in a drop in their libido (since being fertile influences one’s sexual desire).

As women age, the ovaries also stop functioning. This process is what we call the menopausal stage.

However, there are also different reasons why a woman abruptly loses interest in sex. Some may have experienced treatments such as chemotherapy. Some even have their ovaries removed.

Whatever it may be, each woman has their circumstances. Therefore, you can’t simply compare one to the other. 

Some older women are still interested in getting it on. So, it all just depends at the end of the day.

Birth Complications

Many birth complications can put a stop to a woman’s libido. Some examples include:

  • Prolapsing
  • Postpartum depression
  • Postpartum hemorrhaging

The female body loses estrogen after birth. Less estrogen causes the vagina to dry up. As a result, there’ll be less pleasure during sex. 

Not only that. But childbirth can drastically change a woman’s body leading to lower self-esteem.

Lower confidence levels result in lower sexual urges. Thus, you’ll have much lower chances of getting yourself laid.

Common Health Problems

Several health problems can act as Brakes for women. Here are some common ones:


Depression always starts mentally.

It starts in the brain. And what can the brain do? First, it regulates the release of sex hormones in the body. If the brain gets depressed, then it turns into a Brake. Thus, the secretion of hormones would stop.

As a result, women would have their sexual urges lowered.

To give some statistics, 1 in 6 people can struggle with depression in their lifetime. 


Yeast infections can happen if blood sugar levels are unregulated. To an extent, diabetes can also cause nerve damage. Therefore, it can lead to vaginal dryness. 

Any of these conditions can decrease a woman’s libido. As a result, sex can become painful. And it can also cause discomfort. 

If you need help, then always consult your physician. 


Women who are obese tend to have their sex drives affected by their weight.

The body would have trouble using its core functions. Thus, making it hard to release hormones that increase and regulate sensations. 

Additionally, extreme weights can also cause self-esteem problems. Therefore, decreasing a woman’s confidence in showing off her body to her partner. 

Neurological Disease

Anything that affects the brain can be an instant Brake to a woman’s libido. 

Again, the brain regulates your sex hormones.

Having a neurological malfunction would cause a roadblock to this process. Research even shows that depressed women tend to have lower sex drives. 

What you could do is talk to a professional if your partner is experiencing this issue. They could give the necessary treatment.

And, they could also give good advice on the changes your partner could make in their lifestyle.

Drugs and Medications

Drugs can also help DECREASE the libido in women. Here’s a breakdown of a few of them:


Smoking seems to be quite common nowadays. However, it does have its downsides. 

Aside from the obvious health risks, smoking reduces the blood flow in the body. What this does is help decrease the sex drive of an individual.

So if she smokes, then you’d better not be surprised if she rejects you in bed. 


Having a drink or two can be fun. But, you need to set your limits.

Something to note

Drinking too much can leave your sex drive behind.

So, make sure you and your partner are taking drinks in moderation if you want to get it on. 

Of course, you have to be responsible adults. So make sure you act the part. Don’t take advantage of someone. If they say no, then it’s a NO. 


As explained above, depression reduces the sexual urge in women. But, it doesn’t stop there. 

Antidepressants can also decrease libido. This is because they reduce the brain’s ability to communicate, resulting in the dampening of the sex drive. 

Previous medications also had the same effects. Although, those treatments were more focused on the depression affecting the central nervous system.

Birth Control

Hormonal birth control can also make changes to your woman’s system. However, this one tends to have varying results in the process. 

It just depends on how her body reacts to the medication. Sometimes, it can turn them on. And sometimes, it just makes it that much more difficult. 

Luckily, condoms aren’t off the table. So, you could always use that instead. 


Medicines you ingest for allergies or colds can cause vaginal dryness in women. Therefore, it makes it harder for them to get aroused.

But don’t you worry!

Pro Tip

A temporary solution you could let her try is the use of lubricants. 

Yes, it can be a hassle to keep on reapplying. But it does give a quick fix to the problem.

Other Illegal Drugs

The use of illegal drugs can remove mental blocks. And it can also improve one’s physiological stimulation. 

However, NOT EVERYONE can have the same reaction. These substances can be unpredictable to the body. So, you’ll never know what you’re getting. The best you could do is just keep it safe. 

And as much as possible, AVOID IT for your benefit. 

Some Miscellaneous Factors

Of course, there are still so many things that need some consideration.

Humans are complicated beings. You can’t simply categorize them under one problem. So, here are other factors that you may want to take a look at:

Body Confidence

If she doesn’t feel sexy, then this could affect her libido. 

Remember, having confidence is a mental process. Seeing a negative image of yourself can make you feel insecure. You’ll have all these doubts in your head. 

To her, she might ask herself if you find her sexy. Is she cute? Is she great in bed? So, a lot of things could hold her back. 

What you need to do is comfort her.

And simply tell her that she’s the woman you chose. 

Excessive Focus on Her Performance in Bed

Again, getting too caught up with their sex skills is never good. It can be a Sexual Brake for them.

So, remind her that it’s a learning process. And that you two are in this together.

Not Knowing Her Body

Not knowing what she likes can make it harder for you to turn her on. So, why not explore her body with her? Experiment a little.

You’re bound to find her weakness sooner or later.

Fear of Consequence

Pregnancy scares are never great. And STIs are never great. Sometimes, a woman says NO to make sure she’s protected.

So, learn to respect her boundaries. 

Her Comfort Level

Not being comfortable with one another can be a Sexual Brake. So, do your part in making her feel at ease. Show your vulnerable side from time to time.

Make her laugh. Compliment her. Be open about your insecurities. 

Let her know that you’re one easygoing man. 

Final Thoughts

The bottom line, you just need to have a deep understanding of your partner. But then, don’t be afraid to open up to them. 

If she has problems, listen. Be her shoulder to lean on. Be her number one supporter. 

Yes, sex life matters in a relationship. BUT having that emotional connection and understanding can be just as important.

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

Over last 4 years Dainis have helped millions of people through his advice on this site (200+ guides and 1M+ visits/monthly). His work & advice has appeared on sites like: Healthline, Vice, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, WomensHealthMag, MindBodyGreen & more. Read More

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