Submissive kinksters love to give control to a dominant partner. Being told what to do (or not to do!) in the bedroom, and sometimes beyond, can be a massive turn on.

In their day-to-day life, many subs are strong, high-powered, decision-makers but when it comes to getting jiggy with it, they love nothing more than to hand over the reins.

Letting someone else direct your pleasure (and their own) can be extremely liberating and highly arousing.

While some subs want to surrender completely, to be owned, to obey, and to serve a powerful Dom/me, others want their submission to be earned or forced. Always consensually, of course!

Then there are subs who crave being used, to be treated like a dirty little sex toy. Being manhandled, mastered, and degraded by someone you trust completely can be hot AF!

The fact is that there are a whole host of ways to express your submissive nature.

Maybe leather, whips, and chains, and being dominated through bondage is what tickles your fancy. Or perhaps pain is your pleasure and discipline is what you desire?

Masochistic submissives get a kick from feeling pain inflicted by a dominant partner with a sexy sadistic streak. This particular Dominant/submissive duo is quite the match made in heaven, so much so that they have a whole area of kink dedicated to them…S&M.

Masochists can find themselves a little misunderstood by the general vanilla public. Why would anyone get aroused from receiving pain? But masochists aren’t so different from any other thrill-seeker.

For example, people enjoy watching horror movies and feeling fear, or doing dangerous sports risking injury. Masochists get the same sort of adrenaline rush but through pain.

The only difference is, that for the Masochist this thrill is also sexual.

Of course, the Masochist’s pleasure doesn’t just come from physical pain. Being subjected to verbal-sadism or cruel humiliation can also be hugely erotic.

Being called all manner of filthy things (worthless whore/slut/ fuckmeat etc.) can make a Masochist feel super nasty, sexy, and horny!

What Makes A Good Masochist?

There is no one way of being a Masochist. What hurts and turns-on one person may hurt and upset another! But the ability to fully immerse yourself in your own form of Masochistic pleasure requires open and honest communication with your pain-provider.

Before you even let a sadist partner near your body, you need to have a conversation, lots of them in fact!

Here are just a few things you need to discuss:

• What kind of pain turns you on (stinging slaps, deep thuds, pinching, heat);
• What pain-play implements they can/can’t use (wooden spoons, floggers, nipple clamps, candles);
• Words they should use or steer clear of (slut/whore/sissy/pig/cow);
• What sort of aftercare you need from them (cuddles, tenderness, being bathed).

You also need to discover what their motivations are. Your sadistic Dom/me should want to give you pleasure through pain, not just inflict pain. Your pleasure and comfort should be their top priority.

Open conversations help you stay safe, while at the same time gives your partner the opportunity to provide you with the most enjoyable S&M experience. You call the shots in your own sexual-pain party!

How to Bring Masochism to the Bedroom?

Expressing sexual desires can be awkward, but even more so when your particular kink involves asking a loved one to hurt you. It can be hard to explain, but choosing the right words can help.

For example, instead of stating, «I want you to hurt me during sex» drop some subtle hints that will let your lover know that you find pain arousing.

When you’re feeling more confident and comfortable, expand the conversation. Explain that the things you like are actually part of S&M play, and ask them if they would be interested in exploring that with you.

If yes, then the next step is to discuss each other’s expectations and limits. These are not only important for an enjoyable session but also a safe one!

Talking about safety…

One other thing you really should agree on before entering any serious kinky play… SAFEWORDS.

S&M can be rough, intense, extreme, and exciting! But that also means there is more room for things to go wrong. With your partner, agree on verbal AND non-verbal safewords so that play can be stopped anytime either of you feels uncomfortable.

Once you have everything agreed, it’s time to get naughty and very very nasty!

A Restrainee is a submissive who gets a thrill from being tied up and controlled by a Dominant partner.

They can be tied up with all manner of kinky restraints, from bondage tape to silk scarves, handcuffs, and ropes.

What Restrainees love about being tied up is the sense of complete helplessness, being at the mercy of their powerful Dom/me. Just imagine, your body...theirs for the taking, to do whatever dirty desire they (and you!) may have.

But there are many reasons why Restrainees are attracted to ropes and being restrained…

• The power exchange between D/s (Dominant/submissive);
• Sexual...your body at your Dom/me’s disposal (consensually, of course!);
• The sensation of ropes and knots on your body;
• Or, a combination of all of the above!

Being tied up can also heighten your senses and even the slightest touch can send shivers of pleasure coursing through your body.

Many restrainees also experience a sense of freedom. Giving up all control can be extremely liberating and allows subs to fully concentrate on receiving pleasure (and maybe a lil pain for the masochists in the room!).

What Makes a Good Restrainee?

Rope bondage is never a one-way street. Just because you’re tied up doesn’t mean you don’t have responsibilities!

First of all, you need to communicate. Your Dom/me isn’t a mind-reader. You need to let them know what type of experience you want, your limits, what type of aftercare you expect, and any triggers you may have.

While you have to be able to trust your Dom/me to tie you safely, they also have to be able to trust you to communicate when something doesn’t feel right.

Before any bondage session, you should be mentally prepared and emotionally stable. Being restrained can put you in a very vulnerable position, and if you’re not in the right frame of mind, you could end up having a negative experience instead of a kinky one.

Ready to be Restrained?

So, how do you get your partner to tie you up and do naughty things to you?

Well, you can gauge their interest by starting the conversation in a gentle way. Drop some hints, like describing some erotic fiction you just so happen to be reading! Then ask how they would feel about exploring restraint play with you.

If they’re keen, the next conversation should be about SAFEWORDS.

It’s important to agree on verbal and non-verbal signs so that you can stop play at any time you feel uncomfortable. Also, make sure your Dom/me has a pair of safety scissors within easy reach for emergencies.

Now, you’ve got the green light and safety measures in place…

It’s time to discuss what type of activities your Dom/me or play partner can do to your tied up body.

One question you should definitely consider discussing is: Is sex involved? Especially important if you’re ‘playing’ with a Dom/me who is not your sexual or romantic partner.

If not, discuss ‘touch’. Since they are tying you up, they will need to touch you. Work out where and how they can touch your body, for example, can they stroke your arms/legs/face? Or is spanking ok?

Once you’ve agreed on how you’d like to be treated when restrained, you can still ease in gently...

When it comes down to getting freaky in the bedroom, Primal Submissives like to tap into the more animalistic side of themselves. It’s all about releasing raw and natural feelings, urges, and impulses. There can be growling, yelping, even howling...whatever «cums» naturally!

They love nothing more than to be hunted like prey, chased, wrestled, and finally overpowered. And if that so happens to be by a growling, biting, forceful Primal Dominant, then even better.

Primal Subs are usually more feisty in their submission than other sub types. Their playtime can look like a physical, even violent struggle. They want to submit, but they will do it with all the passion of a cornered animal fighting for survival!

Primal Subs love the rush of adrenaline and the intensity of the ultimate and intimate surrender. There may be scrapes, scratches, bites, and bruises for both the Primal Sub and the Primal Dom/me. But this is what they both desire...all consensual and agreed to beforehand.

There’s no rolling over and playing «dead» for the Primal Sub…it’s time to sharpen your claws and go wild!

How to be a Good Primal Submissive?

Primal Subs can also be called Prey, Mates or Kittens depending on the particular dynamic they have with their Primal Dominant. In order to work out that dynamic, you need to have open and honest communication.

Finding out what turns each other on is essential to creating the most enjoyably savage (but safe) rough sex play. You can fight back as wild or as crazy as you like just as long as it has been discussed and agreed to beforehand!

You have to trust each other to stay within agreed limits and communicate with each other clearly before, during, and after a play scene.

For example, here are a few questions you might want to discuss:

• Does your Primal partner feel more like an animal hunter, or a hunting animal?
• Do you want to be chased? (Some people hate being chased or feeling trapped. Be aware of your own triggers and communicate them to your partner.)
• Do you want to leave marks?
• What kind of overpowering techniques do you want them to use?
• What fighting back techniques are you allowed to use?
• Is biting/slapping/scratching okay?

Being completely open and honest with each other BEFORE you enter into primal play allows you both to focus on your raw, sexual energy and do what comes naturally!

Exploring and Introducing Primal Sex to a «Mate»

Primal play can sound scary to the vanilla ear, so maybe don’t go in with teeth bared! Take some time to figure out what being Primal means to you first.

Discover what your natural urges are through masturbation sessions. Maybe you feel like growling as you play or maybe howling like a wolf when you cum.

You may feel «silly» at first. But throw off those society shackles of shame and just get down and dirty with your raw and fierce sexuality!

Once you feel confident in your «untamed» primal state, it’s time to talk with your partner.

Begin by describing how exploring primal play on your own has made you feel...

If they are interested in exploring these feelings with you, it’s time to discuss each other’s expectations and limits. These are not only important for enjoyable but also safe primal play!

Once you have everything agreed, it’s time to let your inner animal out to play!