BDSM Choking Kink: How To Safely Choke A Girl

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Okay, let’s get this through loud and clear: BDSM choking is very dangerous and potentially fatal. There are NO exceptions — and you’d be much better off staying away from your choking kink and going for some other (and safer) form of power play instead.

And yet.

Choking for pleasure has been around for literally thousands of years, and it seems like it’s here to stay. Some people are always going to do it no matter what.

So, with this in mind, we thought we should put together a guide on how to safely choke your partner.

But, as we said, proceed with great caution — if at all — and we cannot be held responsible for anything you decide to do in the bedroom!

What Is BDSM Choking?

BDSM choking is a form of erotic asphyxiation. One of the partners uses their hands to apply pressure on the other partner’s neck to restrict their oxygen supply, increase sexual arousal, and make orgasms more intense.

Choking is dangerous and can lead to cardiac arrest, brain damage, and death. 


Why Does BDSM Choking Feel So Good?

Hormonal Rush

Choking, just like all other types of erotic asphyxiation such as strangulation, smothering, or face-sitting, restricts your brain’s oxygen supply.

As a result, it makes you dizzy and lightheaded — which can feel great in the heat of the moment.

Then, when the chokehold is released and you get to breathe normally again, you may feel a second, different type of rush.

This time, it is caused by the sudden surge of feel-good hormones such as serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins. 

Your body is actually releasing these substances to help you stay alive and prepare for a fight-or-flight situation, but this chemical cocktail also has the added benefit of making you feel pretty high.

That’s the physiological explanation.


Power Play

From a psychological perspective, BDSM choking is one of the most intense types of power play that can appeal to both doms and subs.

If you are into this kind of thing, pretty much nothing can be more arousing than literally putting your life in someone’s hands — and yet knowing that you are entirely safe. 

See, choking for pleasure is all about the potential for danger and not a real danger. It’s about being with someone who is dangerous yet entirely trustworthy. 

BDSM choking walks the razor’s edge between risk on the one hand and intimacy on the other. That’s why it’s appealing to so many people. 


How To Prepare For Safe Choking?

Learn The Anatomy Of Choking 

To begin with, you want to read up on the anatomy of the neck, chest, and head. That should give you a better idea of how choking works, where to position your hands and fingers, and how much pressure to apply. 

To sum it up, there are two types of BDSM choking. The first is where you cut off the supply of oxygen to the brain by applying pressure on the trachea or windpipe at the front of the neck.

That’s called air choking — and you should AVOID it at all costs. It can lead to sudden death at worst and a fractured trachea at best.

The second type of choking — blood choking — can be slightly safer if done right. It involves applying gentle pressure on the carotid arteries on either side of the esophagus using your thumb and index finger.

The carotid arteries supply blood, nutrients, and oxygen to the brain. If you constrict the blood flow, you will end up reducing the supply of oxygen to the brain but not to the lungs and the rest of the body.

Don’t get us wrong, though: blood choking is still very dangerous.

However, when the grip is released, oxygenated blood will rush much faster to the brain than when releasing an air choke.


Know The Risks

You need to get very clear on the potential risks of choking — they are very real. These include:

  • Coughing
  • Drowsiness
  • Numbness
  • Disorientation
  • Muscle weakness
  • Loss of coordination
  • Damage to the larynx
  • Hemorrhages in the eyeballs
  • Permanent vision loss
  • Long-term optic pain
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Aspiration or getting vomit into your airway or lungs, which can cause long-term breathing issues, infections, and other complications
  • Irregular heart rate
  • Cardiac arrest
  • Brain damage
  • Death

Given all this, it’s no wonder that virtually all medical experts advise against choking. 


Learn To Administer CPR

If you are still game even after learning about all the risks involved, you should learn to administer CPR.

If your partner loses consciousness or stops breathing altogether, call emergency right away and proceed to give them CPR.


Go To A Class Or A Tutorial

The best way to learn how to properly choke someone is via an expert consultation. Contact your local BDSM community for tips on any choking classes or tutorials or talk to a sexologist.


Try It Out On Yourself

Yep, you read that right. As with any sexual act, you want to know exactly what you are doing to your partner. To do that, you should try it out on yourself first.

That should give you a better idea of where to place your hand and how much pressure to apply. 


Talk With Your Partner And Get Consent

Always talk with your partner and get their explicit consent before proceeding with any kind of choking or breath play. NEVER surprise someone with a choke.

You also want to make sure that your partner fully understands the health risks involved.

Remember: choking can be traumatizing and could also bring up past traumas. 

Some things to discuss with your partner include:

  • How would they like to be choked?
  • How long for?
  • When: during penetration, climax, or at some other point?
  • How many times would they like to be choked?

Talk To Your Doctor

People with breathing or heart problems, as well as those with a history of anxiety, panic attacks, or sexual trauma, should tread carefully.

If in doubt, it’s best to speak with your doctor to check whether choking would be a good idea in your case. 


Come Up With A Safe Gesture

Safewords aren’t going to cut it here. As your partner will not be able to vocalize too well, it’s essential that you come up with a safe gesture such as holding up a fist, tapping out, or finger-snapping. 

Better still, you could have your partner hold a small object — think car keys or a tiny ball — and drop it when they want the pressure on their neck released.


How To Properly Choke Your Partner Sexually?

Step 1: Locate The Carotid Arteries 

Start by locating the carotid arteries. The pressure points you are looking for are slightly below the jawline and toward the ear on each side of the esophagus. 

Step 2: Place Your Hand On Your Partner’s Neck

Next, place your entire hand on your partner’s neck, with your thumb and index finger positioned on the pressure points. 

Step 3: Apply Gentle Pressure

Start applying gentle, pulsating pressure on the pressure points using your fingers. Remember: the throat is a very delicate area, so go easy on it.

Do NOT apply pressure on the front of the neck, and NEVER cut off all the air. 

Each choking session should be no longer than 2 to 5 seconds.

Step 4: Check-In On Your Partner 

Maintain constant eye contact with your partner. Make sure that they are always able to vocalize and that they can breathe, albeit with some constriction. 

As you choke them, ask them how they feel and if they would like you to increase or decrease the pressure. Do as they say.

You also want to observe their face. It should be flushed and slightly swollen but not too red. 

Step 5: Release The Hold, Give Your Partner A Break, And Resume

Release your hold after 2 to 5 seconds. Give your partner a 20 to 30-second break at least to allow their body to recover. If they want more choking, resume, and repeat Steps 1–4. 

Step 6: Aftercare

After you are done having sex, make sure to check-in on your partner again. Snuggle, kiss, and stroke each other. Ask them how it felt, if anything should be adjusted, as well as if they would like to continue practicing choking going forward. 

Remember: there is nothing better than an intimate snuggle to end an intense power play.


Sexual Choking Safety Checklist 

Before

  • Learn the anatomy of the neck, chest, and head
  • Know the health risks involved
  • Learn to administer CPR
  • Go to a choking class or tutorial
  • Speak with your partner and get consent
  • Talk to your doctor
  • Agree on a safe gesture

During

  • Use your whole hand to apply gentle but steady pressure
  • Apply gentle pressure using your fingers for no more than 2–5 seconds at a time
  • Give your partner breaks of at least 20–30 seconds between chokings
  • Keep checking in with your partner 
  • Maintain constant eye contact 
  • Watch the color of their face

After

  • Check-in with your partner 
  • Snuggle and make them feel safe

Don’ts 

  • NEVER surprise someone with choking
  • NEVER apply pressure on the front of the neck
  • NEVER cut off all the air
  • NEVER squeeze too hard
  • NEVER choke someone or allow yourself to be choked under the influence of alcohol or drugs
  • NEVER look away while choking someone
  • NEVER move your partner’s neck or body while choking them

How To Safely Choke Someone: Other People’s Tips, Experiences & Techniques

Consider trying these safer alternatives to BDSM choking:

“The least risky way to do breath play would be to command her to hold her own breath. She will automatically let go when she needs to breathe. Going up from there, you can place a hand over her mouth. Then you have to place your hand on her throat, but not applying pressure.

Again, she would have to understand that this is a signal for her to hold her own breath. You can also combine the hand over her throat with one over her mouth.”

Source: Reddit User, throwawayLouisa

Frequently Asked Questions Answered

Is BDSM Choking Safe?

No. BDSM choking comes with many serious health risks, including cardiac arrest, brain damage, and death. It should only be practiced by experienced players and after taking all safety precautions.

Better still, opt for less risky forms of breath play such as holding your breath, covering the mouth and/or nose, or placing your hand on your partner’s neck without applying pressure on it. 

Is Choking Using Belts, Collars, Ropes, Etc., Safer?

No. If you are going to choke someone, use your hands. That gives you more control over the amount of pressure you are applying. 

Does BDSM Choking Leave Bruises?

If done properly and using gentler pressure, BDSM choking should not leave bruises.


How To Choke During Sex: Final Thoughts

Well, folks, there you have it. You now know how to choke a girl during sex.

However, the main takeaway of this guide should have been that choking is extremely dangerous and you should think twice before attempting it. 

If you are not dead set on choking and are merely looking for an act of surrender and complete trust, consider safer options such as fake breath play, bondage, or spanking.

After all, we only live once.

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