BDSM Choking Kink [2024]: How To Choke During Sex SAFELY!!

Okay, let’s get this through loud and clear: BDSM choking is very dangerous and potentially fatal¹. There are NO exceptions — and you’d be much better off staying away from your choking kink and going for some other (and safer) form of power play instead.

Yes, just like using those BDSM toys, choking is arguably one of the most widely practiced sex fetishes for couples. However, such roleplay does come with its fair share of risks.

It is not only potentially harmful to one’s health, but it can also cause distress to a couple’s relationship. Accidental harm to your partner’s neck or brain is possible, as could you causing involuntary manslaughter in extreme circumstances.

Good, kinky sex can strengthen relationships. But it can do more harm than good if there is a lack of explicit consent or an inability to grasp the human body’s limits.

Playing with extreme sex toys is one thing. But choking is a whole different ball game. It’s not as simple as adjusting the BDSM sex furniture you have lying around in your bedroom. There’s more to it than what you see on the surface.

So, if you’re interested in trying, this article will give you a good read on why it’s crucial to master the art of the sexy choke.

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What Is BDSM Choking?

BDSM choking is a form of erotic asphyxiation. One of the partners uses their hands to apply pressure on the other partner’s neck to restrict their oxygen supply, increase sexual arousal, and make orgasms more intense.

Choking is dangerous and can lead to cardiac arrest, brain damage, and death. 

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Why Does It Feel So Good During Sex?

Hormonal Rush

Choking, just like all other types of erotic asphyxiation such as strangulation, smothering, or face-sitting, restricts your brain’s oxygen supply.

As a result, it makes you dizzy and lightheaded — which can feel great in the heat of the moment.

Then, when the chokehold is released and you get to breathe normally again, you may feel a second, different type of rush.

This time, it is caused by the sudden surge of feel-good hormones such as serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins. 

Your body is actually releasing these substances to help you stay alive and prepare for a fight-or-flight situation, but this chemical cocktail also has the added benefit of making you feel pretty high.

That’s the physiological explanation.

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Power Play

From a psychological perspective, BDSM choking is one of the most intense types of power play that can appeal to both doms and subs.

If you are into this kind of kink, pretty much nothing can be more arousing than literally putting your life in someone’s hands — and yet knowing that you are entirely safe. 

See, choking for pleasure is all about the potential for danger and not a real danger. It’s about being with someone who is dangerous yet entirely trustworthy. 

BDSM choking walks the razor’s edge between risk on the one hand and intimacy on the other. That’s why it’s appealing to so many people. 

Consider checking out our BDSM TEST to know more about your kink.

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Preparing For A Safe BDSM Choke During Sex

Learn The Anatomy Of Choking 

To begin with, you want to read up on the anatomy of the neck², chest, and head. That should give you a better idea of how choking works, where to position your hands and fingers, and how much pressure to apply. 

To sum it up, there are two types of BDSM choking. The first is where you cut off the supply of oxygen to the brain by applying pressure on the trachea or windpipe at the front of the neck.

That’s called air choking — and you should AVOID it at all costs. It can lead to sudden death at worst and a fractured trachea at best.

The second type of choking — blood choking — can be slightly safer if done right. It involves applying gentle pressure on the carotid arteries³ on either side of the esophagus using your thumb and index finger.

The carotid arteries supply blood, nutrients, and oxygen to the brain. If you constrict the blood flow, you will end up reducing the supply of oxygen to the brain but not to the lungs and the rest of the body.

Don’t get us wrong, though: blood choking is still very dangerous.

However, when the grip is released, oxygenated blood will rush much faster to the brain than when releasing an air choke.

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Know The Risks

You need to get very clear on the potential risks of sexual choking — they are very real. The risks in BDSM choking include:

• Coughing
• Drowsiness
• Numbness
• Disorientation
• Muscle weakness
• Loss of coordination
• Damage to the larynx
• Hemorrhages in the eyeballs
• Permanent vision loss⁴
• Long-term optic pain
• Nausea and vomiting
• Aspiration or getting vomit into your airway or lungs, which can cause long-term breathing issues, infections, and other complications
• Irregular heart rate
• Cardiac arrest
• Brain damage
• Death

Given all this, it’s no wonder that virtually all medical experts advise against sexual choking. 

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Learn To Administer CPR

If you still want to explore BDSM choking even after learning about all the risks involved, you should learn to administer CPR.

If your partner loses consciousness or stops breathing altogether, call emergency right away and proceed to give them CPR.

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Go To A Class Or A Tutorial

The best way to learn how to properly choke someone is via an expert consultation. Contact your local BDSM community for tips on any choking classes or tutorials or talk to a sexologist.

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Try It Out On Yourself

Yep, you read that right. As with any sexual act, you want to know exactly what you are doing to your partner. To do that, you should try it out on yourself⁵ first.

That should give you a better idea of where to place your hand and how much pressure to apply on the neck. 

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Talk With Your Partner And Get Consent

BDSM choking requires consent. So, always talk with your partner and get their explicit consent before proceeding with any kind of choking or breath play. NEVER surprise your partner with a choke or any kind of breath play during sex.

You also want to make sure that your partner fully understands the health risks involved in sexual choking.

Remember: choking can be traumatizing and could also bring up past traumas. 

Some things to discuss with your partner include:

• How would they like to be choked?
• How long for?
• When: during penetration, climax, or at some other point?
• How many times would they like to be choked?

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Talk To Your Doctor

People with breathing or heart problems, as well as those with a history of anxiety, panic attacks, or sexual trauma, should tread carefully.

If in doubt, it’s best to speak with your doctor to check whether choking would be a safe and good idea in your case. 

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Come Up With A Safe Gesture

Safewords aren’t going to cut it here. As your partner will not be able to vocalize too well, it’s essential that you come up with a safe gesture such as holding up a fist, tapping out, or finger-snapping. 

Better still, you could have your partner hold a small object — think car keys or a tiny ball — and drop it when they want the pressure on their neck released.

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A Guide on How To Properly Choke Your Partner Sexually

Step 1: Locate The Carotid Arteries 

Start by locating the carotid arteries. The pressure points you are looking for are slightly below the jawline and toward the ear on each side of the esophagus. 

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Step 2: Place Your Hand On Your Partner’s Neck

Next, place your entire hand on your partner’s neck, with your thumb and index finger positioned on the pressure points. 

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Step 3: Apply Gentle Pressure

Start applying gentle, pulsating pressure on the pressure points using your fingers. Remember: the throat is a very delicate area, so go easy on it.

Do NOT apply pressure on the front of the neck, and NEVER cut off all the air. 

Each choking session should be no longer than 2 to 5 seconds.

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Step 4: Check-In

Maintain constant eye contact with your partner. Make sure that they are always able to vocalize and that they can breathe, albeit with some constriction. 

As you choke them, ask them how they feel and if they would like you to increase or decrease the pressure. Do as they say.

You also want to observe their face. It should be flushed and slightly swollen but not too red. 

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Step 5: Give Them A Break

Release your hold after 2 to 5 seconds. Give your partner a 20 to 30-second break at least to allow their body to recover. If they want more choking, resume, and repeat Steps 1–4. 

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Step 6: Aftercare

After you are done having sex, make sure to check-in on your partner again. Snuggle, kiss, and stroke each other. Ask them how it felt, if anything should be adjusted, as well as if they would like to continue practicing choking going forward. 

Remember: there is nothing better than an intimate snuggle to end an intense power play.

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Alternatively, Use A Dildo To Choke Your Partner!

If you’re scared that you’ve underestimated your strength, an alternative method for choking would be using a dildo.

I know it’s not the exact same feeling. But it does get the point across. Sort of.

Let me explain.

Like choking, people may have warned you against deep throating because of the potential for suffocation or airway obstruction. However, unlike the former, deep-throating a dildo is less unpredictable with proper preparation and attention to detail.

It can be as safe as any other kink. And the receiver has more control and visible reaction thanks to a gag reflex that indicates one’s limits.

So if you want to take it slow, start with toys. And then, you could go for the big leagues.

For toy recommendation, I suggest one of our best dual-density dildos, the Tantus Cush O2.

The Cush O2 toy is phallic in shape but not in the traditional sense. If the authentic texture of a dildo appeals to you more than its realistic appearance, this is your guy.

The dildo’s tapered tip and soft texture make it easy to take in. Though it’s round, the diameter doesn’t change much over the length of the shaft. Still, it’s an excellent product for gag practice for both beginners and pros alike.

If you like dual-density dildos or realistic dildos in general, then check out our most realistic dildos guide.

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Sexual Choking Safety Checklist 

Before

• Learn and explore the anatomy of the neck, chest, and head
• Know the health risks involved
• Learn to administer CPR
• Go to a choking class or tutorial
• Speak with your partner and get consent
• Talk to your doctor
• Agree on a safe gesture

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During

• Use your whole hand to apply gentle but steady pressure
• Apply gentle pressure using your fingers for no more than 2–5 seconds at a time
• Give your partner breaks of at least 20–30 seconds between chokings
• Keep checking in with your partner 
• Maintain constant eye contact 
• Watch the color of their face

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After

• Check-in with your partner 
• Snuggle and make them feel safe

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Don’ts 

• NEVER surprise someone with choking
• NEVER apply pressure on the front of the neck
• NEVER cut off all the air
• NEVER squeeze too hard
• NEVER choke someone or allow yourself to be choked under the influence of alcohol or drugs
• NEVER look away while choking someone
• NEVER move your partner’s neck or body while choking them

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If You’re Still Uneasy About Choking, Use BDSM Toys!

If deep-throating a dildo ain’t enough to satisfy your erotic asphyxiation fantasies, I suggest checking out the best BDSM stores around your locale.  

There’s more to explore in this world of bondage and fetishes. And you might find something that could hit you in all the right spots, just as it does to other kink enthusiasts. No pun intended. 

For suggestions, I have three that I’d highly recommend to any couple who likes an alternative to the art of choking. 

The Luxury Bondage Kit By Lovehoney has all the essentials for engaging in bondage play without breaking the bank. It’s excellent for beginners and a valuable tool for progressing to more advanced levels of breath play.

If you’re looking for some new and classic bondage punishment ideas, then head out to our light bondage BDSM ideas.

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For a bendable option, I suggest Mr. Hankey’s Gut Puncher. It’s one of those extreme sex toys you see in the market. And I must admit, it can be just as intimidating as choking.

The toy’s flexibility makes the first insertion difficult. However, because of it, this toy will surely pop when it inserts itself into your hole. And let me tell you, once inside, it feels FANTASTIC.

The arm is as lifelike as it gets. And it’s also 100% body-safe, making it a desirable alternative for people seeking out a different extreme.

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If you want to practice restraint, the Sportsheets Restraint Bar is an affordable option to test out. Unlike the previous toy, this is one of the less-scary BDSM spreader bars available for the kink folks.

Although it has a basic shape, the bar itself is metal. Though not particularly the thick kind. As a result, smaller wrists can squeeze out from the cuffs, and you can bend the metal slightly.

The restraint won’t have to pin you down too much if you don’t fight it. So it’s a good thing, though.

The bar may need to be more exceptional, but it does get the job done.

If you like restraints and spreader bars like this, then check out some of the restraints

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Other People’s Tips, Experiences & Techniques on Safer Alternatives

Consider trying these safer alternatives to practice BDSM choking during sex:

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Frequently Asked Questions Answered

Is BDSM Choking Safe?

No. Most people don’t know how dangerous BDSM choking is. BDSM choking comes with many serious health risks, including cardiac arrest, brain damage, and death. It should only be practiced by experienced players and after taking all safety precautions.

Better still, opt for less risky forms of breath play such as holding your breath, covering the mouth and/or nose, or placing your hand on your partner’s neck without applying pressure on it. 

Is Choking Using Belts, Collars, Ropes, Etc., Safer?

No. For safe BDSM choking, use your hands. It is more safer than using accessories like BDSM choking collar from a shop. Using your hands gives you more control over the amount of pressure you are applying.

Does BDSM Choking Leave Bruises?

If done properly and using gentler pressure, BDSM choking should not leave bruises.

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Final Thoughts

Well, folks, there you have it. You now know how to safely choke your partner during sex.

However, the main takeaway of this guide should have been that sexual choking is extremely dangerous and you should think twice before attempting it. 

If you are not dead set on choking and are merely looking for an act of surrender and complete trust, consider other safer sexual options such as fake breath play, bondage, or spanking.

After all, we only live once.

1. Hindawi, 2016. An article on sexual masochism disorder with asphyxiophilia.
2. Healthline, 2015. An article on neck anatomy, area & diagram.
3. WebMD, 2021. An article on carotid artery, conditions, tests, and treatments.
4. ScienceDirect, 2019. A case report on erotic asphyxiation.
5. Go Ask Alice, 2015. A Q&A on auto-erotic asphyxiation.