How To Gape Your Ass & Train Your Asshole Now [2023]

Want to learn how to gape but have got no time to lose and read a long tutorial? Then let’s get right into the most important part!

How To Gape Your Ass

How To Gape Quickly Answered

Start the anal gaping session by emptying your bowels. Follow up with an anal douche or enema. Relax and warm up using foreplay and oral sex. Then, insert a gaping toy (check our guide on anal stretchers for best choices) or your partner’s penis. Use gentle circular motions and in-and-out movements to loosen the sphincters and produce a gape.

Why Learn How To Anal Gape, And What’s The Fuss All About?

Okay, let’s be honest here: gaping sex is not everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, it’s one of the more extreme forms of anal play out there — but many people (both men and women!) find it incredibly arousing. 

What Is Anal Gaping?

A “gape” is just what it sounds like: an opening of the anus caused by prolonged anal sex. Basically, if you thrust hard and long enough, the sphincters will loosen up to a point where they need an hour — or even longer — to tighten back up after you remove the sex toy or penis.

Why Are Some People Into Gaping Sex? 

Why do people engage in any kind of sexual activity? Because it brings them pleasure, of course. 

Why Are Some People Into Gaping Sex? 

For some, extreme gaping is a way to push their limits to the maximum. They get a kick out of inserting the biggest toys or experiencing the most intense feeling of fullness possible. 

Other people see gaping as a type of power play. Seeing just how much space your penis takes up in your partner’s anus makes you feel dominant like few other things can. And if you are more of a sub, gaping can be a great way to please your master and submit yourself at their mercy. 

How To Prepare For Gape Training?

Here is a list of the things you will need to make the most of your anal gaping session:

  • High-quality lube
  • An anal douche nozzle, a hand pump, or an enema bag
  • A saltwater solution (for the enema)
  • Towels — to keep potential messes to a minimum 
  • A selection of different-sized gaping toys (optional)

Dangers & Safety Precautions

Dangers & Safety Precautions For Anal Gaping

First things first. Before we get into the step-by-step tutorial, we should get one thing straight: as any form of anal play, gaping has its risks.

We have a separate guide on how to stretch your asshole for more details.

Tears and Tissue Damage

For one, you could tear or damage your anus, which is never fun. That’s usually the result of anal sex that’s a little too long, a little too enthusiastic, or involves gaping toys that are larger than you can handle. Or you just didn’t use enough lube. 

One thing to bear in mind here is that the muscles in your butthole are more delicate than those in the vagina. So, what may be business as usual when it comes to vaginal sex can be surprisingly painful — and even risky — in the context of anal play. 

The takeaway?

Go slow and gentle, use plenty of lube, and always start with smaller-sized toys and gradually build your way up.

If you do end up with a tear, stop immediately and give your asshole a break until it recovers fully. I’m sure you can come up with other cool ways to amuse yourself and your partner in the interim.

STIs and STDs

Because the anal muscles are so delicate and thin, unfortunately, it’s a lot easier to get sexually transmitted infections or diseases anally than vaginally. 

And if that wasn’t enough, gay and bisexual men — who tend to have more anal sex — are 17 times more likely to develop HPV-associated anal cancer than men who only have sex with women.

So, folks: please, practice responsible sex. It’s better to be safe than sorry. 

Source: WebMD

Prolapsed Anus

Finally, we have the joys of rectal prolapse. However, as of yet, there is no definitive proof that anal gaping is the cause of that condition. You can also get it as a result of childbirth or other causes. In any case, though, it’s something to keep in mind. 

Source: WebMD

How To Anal Gape: A Step-By-Step Guide

How To Anal Gape: A Step-By-Step Guide

Step 1: Empty Your Bowels

You should begin any anal gaping session by emptying your bowels. If you want, you can take a gentle laxative to help speed things up. You could take over-the-counter medication or go for natural alternatives such as Senna extract, castor oil, or prunes.

Sources: National Library of Medicine, National Library of Medicine, National Library of Medicine

Step 2: Give Yourself An Anal Douche or Enema

It’s also a good idea to give yourself an anal douche or an enema. That will minimize the risk of any smelly surprises that could ruin the mood.

Typically, a good old douche is all you need for standard anal sex. Simply attach a douche nozzle to your shower hose or use a hand-held pump to introduce water up your butt and expel any leftover fecal matter. 

Clean Stream Deluxe Shower Enema Set

Clean Stream Deluxe Shower Enema Set

However, as gaping is a bit more extreme and you will be diving — and probably staring — quite deep in there, you might want to be more thorough and give yourself an enema. All you need is an enema bag and a saltwater solution that you can normally purchase from your local pharmacy. 

Head over to your bathroom, pour the solution into the bag, and ensure that the clamp is shut. Then, hold the bag with the hose pointing downward and open the clamp briefly to let out any air bubbles — you do not want these introduced into your colon. 

Lube up the end of the hose and gently insert it up to four inches into your rectum (but no more!). To help the hose get in more easily, push your anus out as you insert it.

Next, lie on your left side and hug your knees to your chest. Breathe in deeply and slowly as you feel the fluid entering your rectum. Once the bag is empty, remove the hose gently. At this point, you might want to move to the toilet, as you will probably feel a strong urge to poop.

Discover some of the best tips on how to anal douche in this guide and keep your rectum and anus squeaky clean!

Step 3: Relax and Warm Up

Now, onto the more pleasant part of the experience. 

To get your sphincters all nice and loose, make sure you are as relaxed and aroused as possible. Use whatever floats your boat: music, a glass or two of wine, or a heart-to-heart talk. Some foreplay and oral sex should definitely help too. 

As a rule of thumb, the more at ease you are, the more relaxed your anal muscles will be. 

Step 4: Lube Up — A Great Deal

When you feel ready to take things up a notch, reach for your favorite lube and apply a generous amount onto your anus and whatever it is that you will be inserting up there: your partner’s penis, your fingers, a dildo, or your preferred gaping toys.

Make sure to keep the bottle of lube within easy reach at all times — the chances that are you will be needing a lot more than you think, especially if this is your first gaping session. 

However, even with plenty of lube, you may still feel some pain and discomfort. That’s normal, as you will be engaging in one of the most extreme forms of anal fun out there. Just be on the lookout for any potential signs of injury.

Almost forgot: if you plan to be using sex toys during your gaping session, use water-based lube only (as opposed to silicone-based). Silicone lube may damage the surface of toys that are also made of silicone. 

Step 5: Insert Your Preferred Gaping Toys

Next, proceed with the insertion. You may find it easier to get down on all fours doggy-style in the beginning. 

Don’t rush it, or you risk ruining the experience and even injuring yourself. Go slowly and gently, using gentle circular and back-and-forth motions to stimulate your butthole.

These movements fool your sphincters into thinking that your bowel is full and cause them to open up in anticipation of the elimination. 


The longer your anal session, the larger and more long-lasting your gape will be. 

However, don’t get fixated on that goal. If you are a novice, your sphincters may not be sufficiently loosened up to achieve a gape. That’s perfectly fine: it’s all about the journey and not the destination. 

Oh, and one more thing — if you will be using gaping toys (see more anal toys here), always start with the smallest ones and gradually work your way up the size chart.

I know that I mentioned it earlier, but it bears repeating. The last thing you want is to end up in pain or with tears in your anus. 

Step 6: Insert Your Preferred Gaping Toys, Remove The Penis Or Sex Toy And Enjoy The View

After a long and satisfying anal play session, slowly take out your sex toy or your partner’s penis.

If your anus is well-trained (and if you spent a decent amount of time thrusting), you should end up with a nice wide gape.

If you’re ready to take it to the next level, check out our guide on how to anal fist.

5 Best Tips On Anal Gaping

5 Best Tips On Anal Gaping

There are many different ways to achieve anal gaping. Lubing up and relaxing your sphincter muscle before inserting anything are good examples, but just doing these aren’t always enough.

I’ll walk through a few techniques here, so you can find what works best for you.

Practice Makes Perfect

As with most things in life, practice is key. 

You can’t just go to the store and buy a random butt plug or dildo and hope that it will magically work. There is no substitute for practice.

The best way to get your ass stretched out is to find a good toy that matches your experience level.

Ideally, you’d want to get an anal sex toy that’s large enough to fit in your ass without causing a great deal of discomfort. One that’s too big can be painful, while one that’s too small won’t work if you want to achieve a gape.

Experiment with the speed and depth to see how it feels. If it feels uncomfortable, don’t force it. Once you feel comfortable, you can experiment with different speeds. 

Going slow and steady will be your best bet for beginners.

Read On The Anatomy Of Your Butthole

While it may be tempting to think that your anus looks like an ordinary little hole, that’s actually not the case. 

Your anus has muscles that relax and tense when you poop—or insert something.

Knowing how these muscles work will help you understand how to stretch them out safely. Everyone has different butthole sizes—what works for one person isn’t necessarily going to work for another.

It’s very common to hear stories of people who can’t go any further than 3 inches without pain. 

In other cases, people might tell you that they’ve never had problems stretching past 6 inches. 

This variance is likely due to several factors, including how easily your sphincters can open.

The simplest way to learn about our butthole is by inserting a finger or two into your butthole to gauge how easily your sphincters are opening.

Take Your Time On Training

Take Your Time On Anal Training

The first step to getting better at gaping is to commit yourself to regular training

While you don’t need to spend every day stretching your butthole, you should certainly devote at least twice a week to doing so.

The best part about the training is that it doesn’t take much. Typically, 5 to 10 minutes should be enough. 

You can divide your session into four sets to achieve the best results. 

If you’re just starting out, you can dedicate the whole session to inserting an inch of a toy into your butthole where your sphincters are. 

While inserting the toy, push out with your hole like you’re excreting bowels.

Be Careful When Deep Cleaning

You’ll often hear people talk about “deep cleaning” their buttholes before engaging in any form of anal play. 

The term is used to refer to cleansing your anal cavity using a shower douche. 

CalExotics Universal Douche System

CalExotics Universal Douche System

This method is effective. But it could be a bit harsh on the delicate tissues inside your butthole, especially if the water pressure is high.

Aim for keeping your butthole clean at all times. But you don’t need to deep clean every time unless you’re going to insert something that is longer than 6 inches. 

Fecal matter isn’t stored anywhere below that length.

Always avoid going too deep and applying too much pressure in order to avoid hurting or injuring yourself.

Do Anal Kegels

Kegel exercises involve contracting and releasing your pelvic floor muscles. Doing this can help you control the action of your sphincters.

There are many ways to do these exercises, but one easy way would be to insert a toy into your butthole, then flex your sphincters and hold it for a few seconds before relaxing.

As you squeeze, you should feel your sphincter muscles tighten. You can also try holding your breath during contractions and then releasing it.

If you stick to these exercises, eventually, you’ll be able to train your muscles to contract and relax more easily. 

That way, your butthole will become more elastic and comfortable when engaging in anal play.

Other People’s Tips & Experiences 

Curious to see what other anal enthusiasts have to say about gaping? Here are some of the most insightful comments on

Remember, everyone’s experience and body are different, so take everything with a pinch of salt.

I had an extremely large boyfriend, and we both got off on the intensity and brutality of it on an occasional basis, because it does require preparation and, uh, endurance — physically and mentally.

I considered it part of the more hardcore BDSM sessions we engaged in, not the stuff of spontaneity.


Reddit user

First and foremost, do you even like anal? If you don’t, then don’t do it. I’m a huge advocate for boundaries. Operate in the parameters that you are comfortable with. That isn’t to say that experimentation isn’t healthy, because it is.

However, if you don’t like something, don’t do it… your partner should respect that.”

“Personally, I found that, in the beginning, laying on your side in the fetal position is [the] most comfortable, because it is a natural position for your anal tract. Essentially, it straightens it out.

At initial entry, bear down like you’re trying to poo. […] Breathing techniques are also necessary. Slow, deep breaths. It helps your brain control the pain receptors in your brain. AND GO SLOW. You’re in the driver seat. Personally, I tell my partner to just sit still, and I will back up as I relax and am ready.”

“As far as techniques or tips for gaping, keep in mind your sphincter is a muscle and you essentially have two of them, one on the exterior and one internal.

Over-[gaping] either can have permanent consequences, so slow and steady and listening to your body is the best course of action to avoid possible issues.


Reddit user

The second you withdraw a bigger dildo from your ass, you’ll gape if you’re spreading yourself. Even if just for a few seconds naturally.”

“Try pushing like you are having a [bowel movement].”

“In my experience, it’s 20% being [wide] enough (without going crazy) and 80% being relaxed enough. […] It tends to happen much more easily if we’ve had anal sex recently (that day/the day before), as she is usually much more relaxed.”

“You’ll need bigger toys […]. The bigger the thing in your ass, the bigger the gape.


Reddit user

Anal Gaping: Final Thoughts

If you get off of extreme anal play, you should definitely give gaping a try. It may be a bit uncomfortable at times, and you might not be able to achieve a full-on gape at the first attempt.

Once you get there, though, you will finally see for yourself what the fuss is all about!

If you enjoyed this how to gape tutorial, make sure to let us know in the comments section below. And if you have any other handy tips on how to gape your ass, feel free to share them!

We are always happy to learn — and try out — new things.

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

Over last 4 years Dainis have helped millions of people through his advice on this site (200+ guides and 1M+ visits/monthly). His work & advice has appeared on sites like: Healthline, Vice, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, WomensHealthMag, MindBodyGreen & more. Read More

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