How to Give a Pussy Massage: A Step-By-Step Guide

In this in-depth guide, we share all the best techniques on how to give a pussy massage as well as what to do before and after giving it to your lover. Read on:

how to give a pussy massage

Physical touch deepens the level of romance and emotional intimacy in couples. So what better way to maximize that physical touch than with a massage?

And it’s not just ANY body massage, but a massage that stimulates her genitals.

A pussy massage is a tantric practice that boosts intimacy and connects you and your partner emotionally, physically, and sensually.

However, it’s not just placing your hands in her pussy and massaging her randomly for 3 seconds. There are important things you should know first—including mindfulness.

Don’t worry; it’s not as intimidating as it sounds. We’ll guide you step by step on how to give a pussy massage your partner will love.


What Is a Pussy Massage?

A pussy massage is also called a yoni massage

It’s a type of sensual massage that focuses on the vagina—but not necessarily for foreplay or sex. (I mean, it could lead to those, but it’s not the end goal.)

Usually, it’s performed by a professional therapist or masseuse specializing in yoni massage. But you can also perform it as an erotic full-body massage to your partner.

Yoni is a Sanskrit word that means vagina

In translation, it means “a sacred space.” That means a yoni massage esteems the vagina as a sacred part of the body that deserves adoration and honor.

Giving a pussy massage to your girl goes more than just a regular body massage.

It can give her deep relaxation and physical pleasure

More than that, it could also be a healing experience and an opportunity to build a stronger connection in your relationship—physically, emotionally, and sexually.

A pussy massage is also an excellent gateway to exploring more tantric practices.


What Are the Benefits of a Pussy Massage?

A pussy massage is a therapeutic experience for couples

One is the giver, while the other is the receiver. This means there is no pressure to PERFORM for a partner.

You can take your time exploring her body and learning what feels good to her. While she can indulge in the sensations without rush, pressure, or judgment.

Here are more reasons why you should try a pussy massage:

  • Helps her be more in tune with her body. As the receiver, it helps your partner relax and feel more comfortable and in tune with her body. During other acts, each person gives and receives. But during a pussy massage, she’s not required to give back anything. Instead, she can relish the sensations and better understand what feels good to her.
  • Allows her to relax. Stress can lead to a low sex drive. It’s difficult for her to be in the mood when her body is always tired and stressed. A pussy massage can help her relax as you can knead pressure points in her body in this region. 
  • Improves sexual relationships. As we mentioned, a pussy massage is a slow, sensual and methodical practice. If she’s holding back because of a fear of intimacy and touch, this is a good practice to get her ease into it. In addition, learning what’s pleasurable is a bonding experience that could supercharge her sexual confidence.
  • Supports mental healing. It’s important to be respectful and always go slow, especially if your partner has any shame, sexual trauma, or negative emotions attached to their genitals. With a pussy massage, you can learn better how to touch her and help her reprogram these experiences into positive and pleasurable feelings.
  • Encourages more intense orgasms. The sensations and the combination of the factors above potentially result in a woman experiencing more intense climaxes. The mind is very important for female orgasm. Add to that the physical pleasure from the massage itself.

With that, let’s jump on the steps on how to give a pussy massage


How to Give a Pussy Massage

1. Prepare Your Mindset

Your role as the giver is VERY important in a pussy massage.

YOU set the tone. YOU need to make her feel safe. YOU build the energy during the session.

Something to note

That’s why your intention and state of mind are some of the most important factors to consider and start with.

As a tantric practice, you should grasp the sense of the sacredness of the mind and body during a pussy massage. 

Worship her and make her feel like a goddess. The experience only becomes impactful when you are connected and when you can be intentional and purposeful in the act of revering her.

How? Simple: A TLC energy and basic mindfulness.


Mindset Tips for You

Give, give, give

As the giver, you are being unconditional because you are giving her a massage without expecting anything in return. That means you also should not pressure yourself into making her orgasm—because that’s NOT the goal. 

Remind yourself that the main purpose of this practice is to serve, heal, and connect.

This goes both ways as well. Let your partner know that she IS NOT expected to orgasm. Liberate her from feeling like she has any obligations to perform or give something back.

If anything happens as a result of the message, consider it a ~BONUS~.


Take things s-l-o-w

Something to note

The key to a pussy massage is to be SLOW and SENSUAL.

Touch her pussy as slowly and softly as you have ever done before. Be intentional in each stroke, like it’s an act of meditation.

Going slow allows you to explore her vag area like you never did, especially when you’re still starting. This also gives you more room to wiggle on how she wants to move forward.

She might want to increase the pressure, intensity, or speed. She might even ask you to insert a finger or two when she’s aroused.


Communicate

Communication is one of the critical aspects of a pussy massage and any sexual act. And that’s both VERBAL and NONVERBAL.

You can ask her questions like “Does this feel good?” or “Do you want to go faster or slower?”

Let her be vocal about how she feels as well.

Of course, be attentive to her physical cues as well. For example, she might moan or grind her hips towards your hands = she likes it. 

If she cringes and moves away, that means she didn’t like it. Ask her why—was it too sensitive? What could you do instead?


2. Prepare the Space

You shouldn’t overlook creating a safe and sacred space when exploring a tantric practice like a pussy massage. 

Your surroundings have a BIG impact on your sensuality and sexuality. So you should make your space feel like a sanctuary, especially during the session.

Set A Space

You need to create a space physically and energetically.

To do so, you should remove all clutter. Throw away the unused items, junk, and any trash. These carry negative energy and remind you of the daily stresses of life that you and your partner would want to get away from for at least a few hours.


Have The Right Temperature

Avoid having your room too cold. 

A pussy massage requires your partner to go naked. You wouldn’t want her to be shivering throughout.

A slightly warm room is inviting for a sensual time. It also promotes relaxation. 

But make sure it’s not too warm that you’ll be dripping in sweat as you do the massage—which is physically taxing.


Use Dim Lighting

Cool, bright lights are for reading and studying. I mean, there’s a reason why spas always have dim and warm lights—they’re relaxing!

You can cover your lamps and light a candle instead.


Make The Space Smell Inviting

Doing a tantric pussy massage can heighten all the senses. That means you should include the olfactory senses as well.

Scents can quickly set the mood in your space.

Still, you’d want to choose the right scents. It’s nice to have calming aromatherapy, but not too calming that she’d end up falling asleep.

Some good scents to choose from are lavender, jasmine, citrus, rosemary, and lemon. They’re relaxing but could still feel invigorating.


Prep Your Massage Oil

You’d want some glide as you stroke her body with your hands when you do the massage. Too much friction could feel uncomfortable and far from relaxing.

Massage oils are imperative.

There are many types of massage oils. The most popular ones are essential oils, which are made of natural ingredients and provide aromatherapy.

As the pussy is a sensitive spot, make sure to use massage oil that won’t cause any irritation.

With that, I’d opt to use a lubricant instead, especially when you move to massage the vagina.

Basically, you can choose among:

  • Water-based lubricant
  • Silicone-based lubricant
  • Oil-based lubricant
  • Natural lubricant

The water-based lubricant is usually the safest for the skin. Yet, it also dries quicker than others. Therefore, you would have to reapply more often, which is quite a hassle.

Silicone-based lubes last longer than water-based, so you can use them if you have ‘em.

Personally, I’d opt for the oil-based lubricant as it’s very long-lasting.

Also, it’s the perfect time to use it! It’s quite a picky type of lube. For more lube content, check out this post.

Like it’s REALLY good. But usually, you can’t use it when wearing a condom or on some types of sex toys as it might rip the condom or ruin the toy.

So, it’s usually left unused.

Now, you can make use of them for the massage as you’ll only be using your hands.


3. Start Massage Session

Mindfulness is key in tantric massage. To start, you should have an intentional session with your partner for connecting.

Here’s how:

  • Sit across from each other. You can do it cross-legged on the floor or by sitting on a chair facing each other.
  • Look at each other’s eyes and hold eye contact for at least 60 seconds.
  • Synchronize your breaths slowly and deeply while keeping eye contact.
  • Ask her if she has anything to say, including her 
  • Show gratitude to each other.

We’ve made an article on how to start and perform a sexy massage you can check.


4. Warm Up with a Body Massage

A truly relaxing pussy massage starts with a regular full-body massage. You don’t dive straight to the pussy from the get-go.

Warming up is always essential to ease the body into the massage.

You DON’T have to know everything or act like you know everything you’re doing. You’re not a professional masseuse (at least, you, reader, since you’re reading this guide now), and that’s totally okay.

You should go for sending your love and energy into your fingertips and hands and letting those travel into her body that way. Your body will naturally know what to do.

If you’re an overachiever and perfectionist, you can check out some how-to videos to learn some basics of body massages.

Starting The Massage

  • Have your partner lie in a prone position or face down.
  • Massage her back, neck, arms, thighs, calves, and feet in slow and long strokes.
  • Do this for about 10 to 15 minutes.
  • This is also a good point to start the communication: ask if the pressure is okay, if she has any requests, and if it feels good or nah.

Massaging the Breasts

The breasts are an erogenous zone. Plus, it has muscles and nodes around the area that could feel really relaxing when stimulated well. It gives pleasure AND sends her into a deep state of relaxation.

  • Position her hands above her head for easy access. 
  • Cup the base of her breasts and rub it in a circular motion along the upper edges. Stop right below the armpits.
  • Place your hands on her breastbone and work from the center of her chest to the sides of her body.
  • Do one breast at a time to fully stimulate it.
  • Stroke along the breast tissue and knead through the knots you’ll feel across it. Doing so promotes blood flow and circulation.
  • When you see her nipples visually erect, you can also start stimulating them.
  • Trace her areola (the pigmented small area surrounding the nipples) with soft, feather-like touches.
  • When you move to finally touch her nipples, gently pinch from the root of the nipple. You can then switch light pinching and hard squeezes.
  • Roll her nipples between your thumb and index finger.
  • Another move is to trace the figure out around her nipples.

Massaging the Thighs

This step transitions from the regular full-body massage to the full-on pussy massage.

  • Do long strokes from her inner thigh up to her vulva. This relaxes her pelvis.
  • Knead along the creases on her hips where you’ll feel some knots. You can knead these with the pad of your thumb by making small circles.
  • Ask if she has any requests or if she wants you to get back and focus again on other body parts. Then, if she wants you to proceed, you can move on to massaging her vulva.

Starting the Vulva Massage

  • Place both hands on her thighs.
  • Pause and take a moment to appreciate her genitals.
  • You can also verbally express your adoration.

5. Set a Home Pose

Emotions and sensations can arise during the session. That’s why it’s crucial to set a Home pose for you and your partner to get back to, recalibrate, and reset.

  • The usual Home pose is to place a flat palm on two parts. One is over the vulva. The other hand is over the heart.
  • Stay in this post for at least 60 seconds.
  • Use this time to synchronize your breaths.

Breathing is very important. You and your girl should breathe deeply, gathering air deep from your belly and then slowly letting it all out.

Get back to his pose anytime she needs to take a break.

This is also the ending pose as the session commences.

Another reason to have a Home pose is to connect you and your partner’s energies physically. The contact with her heart and vagina creates a bridge for your energies to travel from the heart and genitals. Cool, right?

It also makes your woman feel comforted and nurtured, which is really, really important. Making her feel safe, vulnerable, and revered is one of the key goals for a pussy massage.


6. Massage Her Pussy

Now, you’re ready to move to the full-on pussy massage. Yey!

There is no definite timeline on how long it should take. But if you want to have an estimate, you can do it for more or less 30 minutes.

Go Slow

Always remember to go slow for each technique, move, and step. There’s no rush for a pussy massage.

In sexual acts, we usually go fast to make our partners climax. But in a pussy massage, orgasm isn’t the end goal as it’s more for a healing touch. Still, she could orgasm from slow stimulations, which sometimes feel more profound and intense.

So what’s the ideal pace? Twice slower than what you’re thinking.


Be Attentive

Below, we’ll give you the techniques for massaging her pussy. But there’s no specific order or right or wrong way to go about it.

Something to note

Thus, you should be perceptive to her vocal and visual cues.

Her breath could go fast or hitch if she’s aroused. She might also show subtle body movements to indicate if she’s enjoying or not enjoying a specific sensation.

Of course, you don’t have to just keep on observing and guessing. As we’ve mentioned, the importance of communication should be established early on.


Pussy Massage Techniques

Palming

Avoid directly stimulating her clitoris during this move. Instead, the primary purpose of this technique is to warm up her vag and lubricate it.

  • Position yourself in between her legs or at her side.

If you’re positioned at her side:

  • Place the base of your palm at the bottom of the region of her vulva.
  • Draw your palm up to her belly, letting your fingers trail along.
  • Have your other hand follow the motions and trace the same path in a continuous movement.
  • Alternate the strokes with one hand right after the other.

If you’re positioned in between her legs:

  • Begin with your palm at the base of her vulva.
  • Next, draw your palm up from the vagina to the belly, but let your fingers lead the way this time.
  • Do these strokes in an overlapping and alternating motion with your hands.

Cupping

This move is meant for grounding and easing her into the massage.

  • With an outstretched hand, cup your hand over the whole vulva.
  • Place your other hand on top of your outstretched hand.
  • Gently press your hand into the vulva.
  • Slowly, make a circling motion with your hand in a clockwise or counterclockwise direction. 
  • Do the step above for around 30 to 60 seconds.
  • Switch directions and do it for the same amount of time.

Stroking

Soft stroking for mindfulness using the least dominant finger—the ring finger.

  • Stroke the inside groove of the outer labia with the pad of your ring finger.
  • Do this one side at a time while allotting 30 to 60 seconds per side.
  • Then, switch.

Pinching

A good technique to stretch the skin around the vulva.

  • Splay your thumbs and fingers wide on opposite sides of the clitoral mound.
  • Gather the flesh by lightly squeezing the skin together.
  • Tug it lightly, then make a rocking motion from side to side.

Pro Tip

The motion is similar to pinching the skin but with less strength and wider finger placement.


Pulling
  • Use your thumbs and forefingers to “clip” the inner labia (the vaginal lips that look like petals jutting out in her vaginal opening) gently.
  • Tug the inner labia to stretch it softly.
  • Pull one side for around 5 seconds, then switch to the other side. 
  • Release and repeat.

Perineum Play

The perineum is the spot of skin between the opening of the vagina and the anus. 

This spot has A LOT of nerve endings and holds a large amount of tension. Stimulating this can be arousing and pleasurable for your lady.

  • Push the pad of your thumb to her perineum.
  • Do this in an acupressure style.
  • Alternate the pressure.

Deep Pressure

A healing technique that allows you to apply deep pressure throughout while doing the move. 

It’s meant to be done slowly, giving your woman the feeling of focusing on her genitals, and should be relaxing and arousing.

  • Use the pad of both thumbs to trace lines starting from the area near her perineum, up and surrounding the vulva, and then up to the outer labia.
  • Massage a curved line up that goes past the clitoris.
  • Finish along the area that reaches her pubic hair.
  • Do the tracing motions on both sides for several minutes.

Clit Caressing

The technique to use right before you go into penetration. 

Note, though, that a pussy massage doesn’t need to have penetration. 

Suppose she’s not up for it, no problem. But it can be arousing, so your partner might want some penetration—like finger-to-V and/or P-to-V.

  • Using your ring finger, caress either side of the clitoris for a few minutes.
  • Continue stroking up on top of the clit.
  • You can stroke up and down or in small circles.
  • Vary the pressure, strength, and speed.
  • As you’re stroking the clit, place your other ring finger right at the vaginal opening.
  • You shouldn’t put it inside—set it right at the vaginal opening so she can FEEL it there without putting it in.

7. Try Penetration

Again, this is a really OPTIONAL step.

Something to note

The first important thing before going to this step is consent.

So, discuss beforehand what the pussy massage you’re going for.

From the clit caressing technique, you can slowly insert one finger—preferably the ring finger. You may also use your middle finger as softly as you can.

You don’t go in too deep—yet. So stop at your first knuckle. And make sure you do it SLOWLY.

Then, make circles gently around the vaginal opening. You can just focus on this for 30 to 60 seconds. While doing this, you may also stimulate her clit.


8. Massage the G-spot

Another optional step.

Some women like their G-spot stimulated; others don’t. (But most of the time, they do. *wink*)

As the massage can be arousing for women, your partner might want you to go all the way. Otherwise, it might make them feel unsatisfied as her vag isn’t stimulated. 

Leaving her feeling frustrated from a pussy massage session is the opposite of what you want to accomplish.

So, again, it should be HER choice. Communicate and listen to each other well.

The G-spot is a spongy nub located in the upper vaginal wall. It’s not too deep—only around 1 to 3 inches inside (note that it’s different from woman to woman)—so using your finger is sufficient enough.

How to Stimulate the G-spot

  • Curl your finger slightly—like the C-shape. Keep your finger’s pose loose and light.
  • Slowly do a come hither motion with your finger, applying a dragging sensation in the G-spot.
  • Another variation is to put pressure on the G-spot by pressing the G-spot for 10 to 20 seconds. Release and then repeat.
  • Do these strokes for several minutes.
  • You may ask her if she wants to raise the intensity by increasing the speed or pressure.

With these techniques, your lady could experience wave after wave of orgasms with all the combination of stimulations. 

Her climax could feel very sexual or a more gentle and nurturing massage sensation that feels pleasurable from deep inside.

Consider checking out our best sex tips for men guide to take your game to a new level.  


9. Be Open for Requests

This is the next step after:

  • Step #6—if she doesn’t want penetration, or
  • Step #7 or #8—if she said yes to penetration.

Before ending the pussy massage session, ask her if she has any requests.

For example, she might want to repeat some pussy massage techniques. Sometimes, she might ask you to use your tongue to massage her instead of your fingers.

And she might even request for *drumroll* SEX!

Lucky you!

Again, there should be no pressure for her to want it. But if she does, then it’s a very welcome bonus, isn’t it?

Pro Tip

As you’re doing the discussion, don’t stop. Continue massaging her pussy slowly and gently.


10. End session with TLC

Ending the massage heavily lies in her decision.

The session could end by making love (as we mentioned above). Or, it could end by cuddling and talking about the experience. Either way, it’s up to what she’s in for.

This is why it’s an unconditional act, after all. It’s a session FOR her—her wants and her needs.

When you end the session, place both palms back on her vulva and heart (the Home position). Pause for a moment.

The last step is always to talk and share your experience and what you learned from it.

As a tantric massage, you can cement the sensual bonding experience by conversing about your deep realizations and unearthing emotions you felt during the session.

First Time

If it’s the first time for you and your partner to do a pussy massage, skip any type of sex and penetration.

This makes the practice more effective because you and your lady can feel more grounded and realize that not all acts should always lead to sexual escalation.

Doing any stimulation or contact with the genitals that ends with sex could feel like you’re going the habitual route.

Skipping it (at least for the first session) gives a rarity to the experience.

Your lady would also feel like she’s treasured, especially as the entire session is really ONLY for her. 


Conclusion

A pussy massage may sound like a lot of work. But it’s really worth it!

It encompasses sexual experience in the physical realm. You can also connect emotionally and sensually, which is really rare and valuable.

Plus, it carries a whole load of other benefits. That’s why tantric practices are always worth exploring.

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

Over last 4 years Dainis have helped millions of people through his advice on this site (200+ guides and 1M+ visits/monthly). His work & advice has appeared on sites like: Healthline, Vice, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, WomensHealthMag, MindBodyGreen & more. Read More

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