The Complete Anal Massage Guide and 10 Best Techniques

Giving your partner an anal massage unlocks a lot of sensitive nerve endings down there. If you want to get your partner in the mood, check out our guide.

Exploring new sexy activities with your partner is always fun. It’s erotic, a good bonding moment, and a nice way for you to get to know each other’s bodies better.

Anal massage is quite an underrated activity, which is such a shame for the many benefits it brings. But what is it? And how do you do it?

There aren’t a lot of guides on the internet to help you. Most of the search results will show you porn movies, which isn’t that helpful.

So don’t worry. We’ve made this complete anal massage guide for you with all the essential tips and techniques you need to know.

Why give your partner an anal message

The anus is full of nerve endings. When these are stimulated, they could feel A-wesome and even orgasmic for some people.

An anal massage is an excellent way to stimulate the areas without penetration. And this is usually one of the first steps you do before you move into anal fingering and then, eventually, P-in-A penetration.

How to start with the anal massage

Something to note

Two things: conversation and consent.

You might be into exploring anal play, but not everyone is up for it. And that’s okay.

There is still a stigma around it, so communicating with your partner is crucial.

You shouldn’t express your desire to explore anal play when you’re already making out. Instead, the conversation should happen outside the bedroom when your heads are clear and not muddled with desire and kinkiness.

It’s also essential to prepare yourself for rejection. Don’t just focus on convincing your partner to agree with what you like.

If they say NO, then that’s it. NEVER force them or try to change their mind.

If they are interested in exploring it as well, then great!

Anal hygiene tips

Anal massages usually end in anal fingering and anal sex. It’s not a requirement, but that’s usually the sequence of events. That’s why there are some anal hygiene tips for you to follow.

If you’re the giver of anal massage

  • Trim your nails way beforehand. Doing so right before the deed isn’t a good idea as freshly-trimmed nails are often sharp. But if you have the time, you can file the rough edges. This is important, so you don’t accidentally tear the skin as this area is pretty thin. It’s not only painful, but it could also leave the wound exposed to bacteria.
  • Wash your hands thoroughly. Sing the Happy Birthday song, preferably.
  • Apply a generous amount of lube. Think you’ve applied enough? Squeeze in some more. And don’t stash it away. Keep it within reach in case you need to reapply at any time. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so keeping the anus well-lubed up is crucial.

    If you want to learn more about what lube to use, here’s a list of our faves.

  • Always be in tune with your partner’s body. Listen to their feedback—when they feel good, when they try to push away, or when they want to stop.

If you’re the receiver of anal massage

  • Go to the bathroom beforehand. It’s better to be safe and do the bowel movement just in case of any accidents. Having a clear rear end helps you not worry about making any accidents so that you can focus more on the pleasure.
  • Freshen up. Take a shower. Wash your butt with soap and water. Whether you’re doing thorough cleaning will be up to you and your planned session. You might want to clean up more thoroughly if you eventually lead the act to anal fingering with more than 1 finger. For example, you can wash it using a shower hose, enema, or douche.
  • Relax and be in the mood. It can feel a bit scary, especially if it’s your first time, as you don’t know what it feels like yet. But eventually, you will start to get familiar with the sensations. Being anxious also lets your muscles tense, which means your butt will close up more. As a result, it will be harder for it to open up and allow access.
  • Have a lube in hand. With your partner, get your lube ready for reapplication.

Anal massage techniques

How to do anal massage? Try these techniques.

  • Start by drawing big circles around the rim. This builds up anticipation while setting some distance so the receiver doesn’t feel too overwhelmed by an assault.
  • After some time, you can move into making a big circular motion around the anus with little loops. It’s a subtle change of movement that will add tickling sensations and wake up the nerve endings around the anus.
  • Add variety by stroking the anus gently using one finger. Basically, you’re flicking your finger from the perineum (patch of skin between the vaginal opening and the anus) across the anus. 
  • Now make the same stroking motions, but add more fingers. Keep it to around three fingers, then stroke up to down to cover a large area.
  • Another variation you can do is rubbing the anus. Instead of stroking it in one direction, rub it up and down to heighten the sensations.
  • If your partner enjoys it, you can cover a bigger zone using three fingers instead of just one.
  • Amplify the sensation by now using both hands. Stroke down going in different directions using both hands, sort of like you’re opening the anus.
  • With both thumbs, massage the area around the anus, moving up. Cover more area as you can with just your thumbs.
  • Extend to other erogenous zones as well. For example, the groin area behind the thighs feels ticklish and sensitive, and reaching these areas will have a bigger effect.
  • Don’t ignore what’s in front of you. While your hands are doing the massage, you can multitask and include your mouth in the action. You can suck his penis or lick her vagina while massaging the anus. Your partner will feel like it’s the best day of their lives, swear.

Consider checking out our best sex tips for men guide to take your game to a new level.  

Graduating from anal massage to anal fingering

If the goal of your anal massage is to get your partner ready for anal fingering, then do the techniques we mentioned above.

Massaging them gently can help relax them while turning them on as well.

The more aroused and relaxed they are, the easier it will be for your finger to penetrate your partner.

There is no necessary switch to flip from the massage to the fingering. Just listen to your partner’s reaction and assess if they’re ready. But do it gently, of course. Don’t just poke your finger into the anus out of nowhere. You may also ask or inform them that you’ll start.

Anyway, you’re not going to put your finger in immediately. First, you will put more pressure on the anus and massage it until you can slowly get your finger up to the first knuckle.

Head over to our guide on anal fingering for more tips.

General tips and tricks for anal massage

Here are more tips to make anal massage and any type of butt play a more pleasurable experience:

  • The more lube, the better. Reapply and be as liberal as you can. More lube feels infinitely better.
  • The best lube for anal play is silicone-based lubricants. Of course, water-based lube is also fine. But silicone lubes are thicker, last longer, and glide more easily. These are features you’d want for butt play.
  • Anal douche can be used beforehand if you’re so worried about poop making a cameo.
  • Using a latex glove or finger cot can make cleanup easier.
  • Don’t be afraid of funky smells on your hand or finger after. Each body has its essence of smell, regardless of how clean or fresh their anus is. So it’s natural.
  • NEVER, ever double dip. When you touch the anus, never move to touch the vagina. Wash your hands first, at least. Switching lanes will introduce fecal bacteria to the vagina, leading to urinary tract infection, or UTI, for women.
  • You don’t have to worry much about poop. The poop is high up there, in the rectum. Unless you have really long fingers, you’re not likely to reach that far.
  • It’s normal to feel like you’re pooping when your anus is stimulated. But you’re not actually pooping, I promise.
  • The butt muscles and anus can feel sore after. Going in a warm bath with salts can help.
  • Try and try. You can’t go from zero to three fingers in one session. So it’s essential to go gradually. Along the way, you can also apply everything you’ve learned from past sessions to make the experience feel more pleasurable for both parties.

Now that you know all about anal massage, head over to our best anal sex toys guide for more interesting knowledge.


Ready to spice up your sexy time? It’s time to start exploring the backdoor with an anal massage.

It’s your first step to dip your toes into anal play—great for assessing if it feels good to you without worrying about any penetration yet.

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

Over last 4 years Dainis have helped millions of people through his advice on this site (200+ guides and 1M+ visits/monthly). His work & advice has appeared on sites like: Healthline, Vice, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, WomensHealthMag, MindBodyGreen & more. Read More.

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