Wife Wants Threesome: What Should You Do?

Folks, let’s get one thing straight: this is not a post on how to get your wife to be with another woman.

Instead, we will be discussing what to do when your wife wants to be shared. Trust us, you could use some tips.

A threesome might sound like every guy’s wet dream, but real life and sexual fantasies are two very different things.

Yeah, it might be one of those ideas you get from a ‘How to Spice Up your Sex Life’ guide. But sometimes, it isn’t easy to do it right then and there. 

Opening up your bedroom to a third person comes with many hidden pitfalls that the two of you should consider and discuss in great detail before even starting to think about the logistics. 

Whether your wife wants another man or woman, a threesome is one of the riskiest ways to spice up your married life — but if done right, it can be one of the most rewarding. 

Forget about sexy roleplay ideas. Now you have a lot to juggle right in front of you.

So, buckle up and let’s get right into it — we have a lot to cover!

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What To Do When Your Wife Suggests A Threesome

If your wife wants to be shared, sit her down, and discuss her motivations and desires. If you are both certain that you want to try a threesome, you must set clear rules and boundaries.

A threesome is one of the most common fetishes for couples. Though, it’s not to say that there aren’t any setbacks when doing so.

In any case, you should prioritize one another; the third person is there to help you fulfill your fantasies.

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The Importance Of Communication

If your wife has suggested a threesome, the first thing you need to do is have a long, heart-to-heart talk. Communication is absolutely key here, and I cannot stress this enough. 

Consider checking out our ultimate best sex tips for men guide to take your game to a new level.  

Here are the most important things you must discuss before engaging in any kind of threesome play:

Her Desires, Motivations, And Secret Fantasies

Is she considering a threesome because she’s actually into the idea or simply to please you? 

Could you fix this on your own? Or does she just want to explore new things to try in bed?

Alternatively, it could be that she is unsatisfied with certain aspects of your sex life that can be fixed using other methods and without bringing a third person into your marriage.

Or has she had a threesome in the past and liked it? What was the experience like? 

What is it that turns her on about the idea of having a third person around? And is it just the idea that she finds arousing? 

That’s why it’s generally recommended to start your foray into threesome play by watching porn together. It could be that all she needs to get her off is to watch a threesome on the screen while you go down on her. 

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Who Will Be The Third Person?

If your wife is insisting on a real-life threesome, does she have a specific person in mind? 

Is it a man or a woman? 

And why did she pick that person in the first place? She might be having feelings for them, and our guess is that you won’t be jumping for joy at that idea.

Plus, having a threesome with a friend or a coworker could complicate your long-term relationship with them.

On the other hand, if you decide to invite a stranger, you need to discuss health and safety precautions. 

It’s also vital to get clear on your follow-up relationship with the other person. 

Is this going to be a one-off thing, or do you plan on having more threesomes later? 

Will you continue to keep in touch with that person after the fun is over? It’s entirely possible that you or your wife might end up having feelings for them. What do you do then?

What’s more, bear in mind that it might be difficult or nearly impossible to cut off all contact with them if they are a friend or a colleague of yours. 

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Rules And Boundaries

This one is probably the most important aspect of any threesome. 

Before reaching out to a third party, you and your wife should set very clear rules and boundaries. You both need to know exactly what is allowed — and what isn’t. 

And that goes for both the physical and the emotional aspects of the experience. 

What are you allowed to do with the other person? Penetrative sex, oral sex, kissing, fingering? No detail is too small. 

Are you okay with watching your partner have sex with the third person, or are they to have more of a supporting role, with you and your wife doing most of the action?

It’s also crucial to discuss potential jealousy issues. Many people think they are completely on-board with the idea of a threesome but then end up having a very different reaction when it actually comes down to it. 

Our emotions are unpredictable, so if you think that you or your wife might get jealous or feel left out, it’s best to reconsider the whole idea altogether.

In addition, you want to make sure that both of you know that you can change your mind at any time — even (and especially) when the threesome is well underway. 

Consent is an absolute must, always — and that goes for the third person too. They are under no obligation to fulfill your sexual fantasies, even if they initially said they would.

Make sure to agree on a safe word so that all three of you have a way out and don’t forget to keep checking in on everyone as you go through the experience. 

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The What-Ifs

We don’t mean to be party poopers, but when it comes to sex, things often don’t go according to plan. So, if you are going to have a threesome, you want to be smart about it.

Talk through all the what-ifs you can think of — or at least the worst-case scenarios.

For example, what do you do in case someone gets jealous or uncomfortable? 

Should you call the whole thing off, or is there something that you could do to lighten the mood? 

How are you going to check in on each other: using words, body language, eye contact?

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How You Feel About It

Last but definitely not least, let your wife know how you feel about the whole thing.

If you are in the game, that’s great. 

But if you are not too keen on the idea, just tell her. Your feelings are just as valid as hers, and you shouldn’t be made to compromise on your boundaries if you don’t want to.

When it comes to sex, sacrifices are a bad idea. If she loves you, she will understand.

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Wife Wants Another Man

For most straight guys, this could be a problematic or uncomfortable arrangement. 

No one likes to compare himself to another man — and that’s all the more so when it comes to our skills in the bedroom. However, it can be hard not to feel inadequate when your wife has just said that she wants to be with another guy.

To avoid having your feelings hurt or compromising your marriage, honesty and communication are key here. 

Ask your wife why she wants to be with another man as opposed to another woman. 

Is there something that’s missing in your sex life? Are there any areas where you could do with some improvement? Are you not attentive or generous enough as a lover?

If double penetration is what she’s after, is she willing to consider trying a dildo or a vibrator first?

For double the pleasure, the Lovehoney Double Fun Strap-On is a great way to give her a two-in-one special on your own. It’s sleek and rigid. And it’s a great complement to your Willy, complete with two bullet vibrators for that extra spice.

If you want other similar alternatives, see our list of the best double penetration toys. And also, check out our article on the double penetration penis ring. 

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The Vixen Mustang is about giving you an extra set of ‘arms’ to pleasure your partner in her orifices while she’s going down on you. It’s scarily similar to the real thing. But you don’t need another man to do the job for you.

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If all else fails, you still have the Magic Wand Plus. This premiere vibrator is a classic and will give your girl the endless orgasms she needs. 

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Wife Wants Another Woman

Fooling around with two ladies might sound like a dream, but it’s not all smooth sailing either. 

For starters, you should ask your wife why she wants to be with a woman. 

Is that her way of reconsidering or exploring her sexuality? Or is it just a fantasy?

Surprisingly many women like to watch or fantasize about lesbian sex without actually being gay or even bisexual. In any case, this is worth discussing. 

Moving on to a more difficult topic: jealousy.

Just like you might feel intimidated at the prospect of seeing your wife with another man, she may not enjoy the sight of you penetrating another woman — even if the whole thing was her idea in the first place. 

Therefore, it’s important to reassure your wife that her pleasure and your marriage come first.

Don’t do anything that your wife is not comfortable with, and be prepared to call the threesome off at any moment if your partner starts having second thoughts. 

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Getting On With It

When — and if — you decide to get on with the threesome, there are two more things to consider.

Talk Things Through With The Third Person

Remember: the third person in a threesome is not a sex slave. They are there to spice things up, but you should not expect them to fulfill your every desire. 

With this in mind, make sure that they feel as safe and comfortable as you and your wife. That means they must have a say in what goes on and are able to call things off at any point. 

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Health And Safety

As you will be having sex with a new partner, it is highly recommended to use condoms. 

It’s also a good idea to get all three of you tested for STDs and STIs — one can never be too careful with these things. 

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Other People’s Tips, Experiences & Techniques

When it comes to threesomes, it’s best to learn as much as possible from other people’s experiences (see video below) before actually trying it out for yourself. 

Why?

Because you can never know how you or your wife will react, and things could go downhill pretty easily, even in the best of circumstances. 

So, it’s best to err on the side of caution. Do not risk the integrity of your marriage unless you are absolutely, 100% certain that both of you want to give threesomes a go and are fully prepared for the potential consequences. 

To help you out, we scoured the Internet and gathered a few interesting cautionary tales that illustrate just how complicated (and hot) threesomes can get.

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Husband Talked Me Into Being Shared, He Now Wants To Stop, I Don’t

“[My] husband (who I’ll call B) […] liked the idea of me doing something with another guy. I […] found it a little too extreme. He wanted me to find a guy I was into and basically act like I had a new boyfriend. […] He talked me into putting up dating profiles, he created them, and he’d go through replies and pull the ones he thought were good.

[…] Eventually [he] found one guy (R) […]. We emailed him and began an exchange. B kept pushing me to meet him for coffee or drinks, so I finally did. Turns out he’s a great guy […]. I enjoyed his company. […]
So start seeing R pretty regularly, at least once a week, sometimes twice. […]

Fast-forward eight months. […] B has cooled a bit… Tells me maybe I should cool it with R and find someone new. I tell him I don’t want to find someone new and also that I like seeing R. Fight ensues.

He says it wasn’t supposed to be long-term and was meant to be something light and casual for US to enjoy and that since he’s not into it anymore, I should stop. […]

Am I wrong to not want to stop with R? It’s fun and casual and sexy, and I will miss it when it ends (which it will, I know, but I want it to end on its own, not because B is forcing it).”

Source: Reddit User, u/benditlikebecca92

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My Wife Wants To Have A Threesome, I’m Having Some Concerns

“My wife brought up to me that she was interested in trying to ‘have a little fun’ […]. We’ve talked about it before […], and she said she would love it, but only with another woman.

[…]The other night she brought up that she has been thinking of trying a threesome and that she wants it with another man. She told me she would be too jealous if it was with another woman. Interesting. She jokingly mentioned she would have no problem finding a guy. She strictly said it would only be physical and just ‘fun.’

I [suggested] that we have a Vegas trip upcoming, and it might be fun picking up some random person. At this point, she tells me she would rather have someone she knows, a work acquaintance to be specific, and actually names two guys she works with. 

This blew me away. I asked her, ‘So you plan on flirting with these guys for some time to eventually ask them to have sex with you and me?’ She said, “Of course, how else would it happen?’

At this point, I was sick to my stomach. My feelings just felt different after that as I was expecting just a random, once in a while, out drinking type of thing. Not this.”

Source: Reddit User, u/threesomewoes

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Had Threesome With My Wife And Friend, Now My Marriage Is In Serious Trouble, And I’m Not Sure If We Can Save It

“When the question of inviting another man into our bedroom came up, I wasn’t sure about it. […] As we talked more and more, we became a little more confident, and I became more sure that I’d be okay with it […]. 

I was over at [my friend’s] house […]. I told him about the bringing-in-another-person talk I had with my wife […].
Ultimately, we agreed that it was a good idea. […]

[…] I could feel Mark’s arm moving, and I could hear Jessica making little noises, I looked down and could see him […] pleasuring her with his hand, and as I looked, I felt my stomach turning, and my heart dropped in my chest. I was so devastated that I couldn’t do or say anything to stop it. I felt like what could I do, I agreed to this, and I even helped set it up.

So I kept on going. […] I wanted to stop it right there but felt too awkward and uncomfortable to do anything.[…] [She] got on her knees […] and went down on him […]. As I’m watching this and feeling completely heartbroken […] 

A week passes […]. I know none of it is her fault and none of it is Marks fault either, it’s just a messed up situation. I’m not ignoring her, and we’re trying to talk through this difficult time, but it’s still haunting me, and I’m having trouble sleeping and eating. I’ve lost my sex drive and feel depressed when my mind isn’t on something else.”

Source: Reddit User, u/ilikepeople456

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Wife Wants Threesome: Final Thoughts

Threesomes are a hot and controversial topic. And that’s no wonder: it’s all too easy for things to turn sour if you are not careful or don’t communicate enough. 

So, make sure to do plenty of research well in advance and talk things over with your wife.

Then talk again. And then some more.

Set clear rules and boundaries and go deep down within yourselves to examine your real motivations and hidden desires. 

Don’t just blurt them all out in the middle of your steam sesh. Again, it’s all about mindfulness, even if it’s the things to say during sex. 

Always be mindful of health and safety, especially when having a threesome with a stranger. 

And if both of you are 100% sure you want to go ahead with it, lose your inhibitions and just have fun. You are already here, so you might as well make the most of it.

And, who knows — it might turn out that having a threesome was your wife’s best idea to date!