How to Make Anal Not Hurt: Safe Anal Sex Facts and Tips

Some people assume that there’s always gonna be pain in anal sex. Well, we’re here to debunk that and answer all your questions on how to make anal not hurt.

Is anal sex really painful? Will a numbing cream work?

Well, this article’s got all the answers you’re looking for.

People who are comfortable with anal play most likely enjoy it. If you’re not one of them, then that’s fine as well. It’s just a matter of taking some extra steps to make the process enjoyable.

Here’s the reality: everybody’s body is different. Not one person can say what’s going to be best for you. So you’ll just have to take the fun of doing it solo or with your partner.

So get your ass all perked up, and let’s start with the basics!

Here are 5 things you first have to know about anal sex:

The Basics of Anal Sex

1. Know How to Communicate

It takes two to tango! Knowing how to communicate with your partner correctly can already do so much in your relationship and sex life.

Anal play isn’t always about the technique. Sometimes you just need to talk with your partner. 

Are you open to the idea of having a toy or penis go into your butt? Or is your partner the one who’s open to it?

Setting your boundaries helps you know what steps to take to make the experience enjoyable and pain-free. 

2. The Art of Preparation

Preparation is key to having a good time. This includes you having to be both physically and mentally ready. So don’t just decide on doing anal after you had a full-on Mexican meal, for example.

Pro Tip

Plan out your day. Set up a time to clean your ass. Don’t freak yourself out! 

Remember, you are not forced to have anal sex if you’re not into it. There are always other ways to give pleasure to your partner.

3. Some Foreplay Fun

Foreplay plays a huge part in anal. You want to make sure that the muscle surrounding the anus is as relaxed as possible.

You could give it a massage first. Or use your tongue or finger. DON’T just force a penis or toy in there!

Have the hole get used to the feeling. Then slowly insert a finger in there to test it out. This way, you’ll be able to know how much you can handle when it comes to going for the real thing.

4. Anal Sex Techniques

You could always multitask when having sex. Have your partner enjoy the multiple ways to orgasm.

Try fingering her while penetrating her anus.

Why not use a toy instead? There are many ways to trigger exciting sensations all over the body.

You could try going for different anal sex positions too. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Knowing those right angles could only benefit you and your partner in the long run.

5. Anal Aftercare and Training

What happens after the sex? Generally, people do clean up themselves afterward by showering. But more could be done when it comes to post-anal. 

Show some appreciation to your lover. Ask them how their tush is doing.

Take some form of responsibility by showing them that you care. You don’t have to be grand about it. Simple words of affection could do the trick.

Anal training may also help if you want to avoid the feeling of discomfort afterward.

Training the anus on the regular lets you gain some form of muscle memory. This way, you’d immediately know what feels good and what feels painful.

Does It Hurt?

There are a lot of misconceptions about anal sex. Common questions people may ask include:

  • Will it hurt? 
  • Will it destroy or weaken your anal muscles? 

Well, to answer the first question… IT CAN HURT. But that only happens if you do not pay attention to what you’re doing. Or if you’re pushing yourself too hard just so you could please your partner.

Think of it as like working out. You can’t simply just go for the barbell and do your sets without doing a warm-up. That could put a sudden shock on the muscles you have in your body.

The same rule applies to the anal muscles. You’ll need to train it first to make sure you don’t add physical stress to both the anal interior and exterior muscles.

Know your limits. You’ll get used to it over time.

Many couples have been fond of anal sex for years now. The secret to their success is simply in the boundaries they put up. They avoid going into ‘painful’ territory and stick to what makes them feel good.

Of course, doing it on the regular doesn’t mean you won’t have your off days. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood. And that’s fine as well.

There are many other things you could do. You just have to go with what the body is feeling. ‘Just follow your instinct,’ as others put it.

A Little More Lube Goes A Long Way

Now, why does anal sex not feel great aside from the pain?

One reason is the rough friction. You might not have used enough lubricant to keep your backdoor wet and slippery. So there’s nothing wrong with adding a few more drops here and there.

Avoid having to endure all the pain and discomfort. That’ll just tense you up and have your hole tighten even more. 

You’d for sure feel so much better when you ADD MORE LUBE. So don’t hold back. Don’t you want to make the process as smooth as it can be?

Not having your anus relaxed during anal play gives off a weird sensation.

That stingy feeling you’re getting is somehow more than what’s on the surface. It’s kinda hard to explain. First-timers especially would have a hard time knowing the small differences. 

The anal muscles may not be loose enough if penetration still hurts. So, yes, lubricants help a lot, but there are other things to consider. This is where anal training comes in.

Pro Tip

Start with something small. A toy or finger could work. Slowly put it in and avoid having to shove the whole thing in there. 

You might not get used to it the first time. But things will eventually pay off once you do it more and more.

Numbing Cream: Yes or No?

Using a numbing cream to reduce the chances of feeling pain may sound reasonable. But doing so actually makes it likely for you to hurt yourself.

Most numbing creams out there have this ingredient called benzocaine. It’s sort of similar to novocaine. Think of it as the anesthesia that doctors use.

Having one part of your body feel numb doesn’t mean you could not hurt it.

It just takes away the sensation that registers as ‘pain’ to your brain.

As a result, you could still very much damage the outside resulting in severe wounds or tears.

The anus is no exception.

Using this product may be easier to keep going during sex. But it takes away one of the important senses. 

For example, you may never know when the lube has dried up. Or, you could also not know when you start to feel tense and tight down there.

Not having to pay attention to these could lead to some bad outcomes.

So I highly recommend you NOT use numbing creams. In fact, it’d be much easier if you could look at the different ways to have fun during anal play instead.

The Aftercare Essentials

What exactly do you do after?

First, you might want to go to the bathroom. You need to clean up the external part of your anus. Using a hypoallergenic wipe or washcloth would do.

Pro Tip

Avoid going to the toilet immediately to release the lube still inside. Squeezing it out would just stress the surrounding muscle. This might cause irritation or tear. So take some time to have it recover.

You could have a cuddle session with your partner while waiting. Some 10 to 15 minutes of rest would probably be good enough. Just make sure that you get as comfortable to avoid the feeling of pain or shock. 

You need to keep in mind that discomfort often comes with the territory in anal sex. So you also have to be mentally calm and ready at any given moment. 

Don’t panic if you see small amounts of blood on the washcloth or toilet paper. It may just come from the friction due to the lack of lube. So don’t go crazy over it. Knowing how much lubricant to put in your ass is all part of the learning process.

Next: how do you deal with the stinging sensation?

A recommended solution is the use of cocoa butter or coconut salve. This acts as a lip balm for your rear side.

Avoid going for scented or dyed products. This could cause a lot more irritation, leading to more problems on your ‘end.’ 

Go to the doctor if the bleeding in your anus doesn’t stop.

There may be an immediate concern. So make it a priority as it could lead to a serious issue.

Remember to be open when you do get asked questions from these professionals. They probably have dealt with it before. So you letting them know the details may provide you with the treatment you need.

Final Thoughts

Anal sex is not that complicated. You just need the right information and attitude to make the experience pain-free, safe, and worthwhile. 

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

Over last 4 years Dainis have helped millions of people through his advice on this site (200+ guides and 1M+ visits/monthly). His work & advice has appeared on sites like: Healthline, Vice, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, WomensHealthMag, MindBodyGreen & more. Read More.

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