The Glossary Of BDSM Terms: Common Words & Lingo Explained

French may be the language of love, but BDSM is the lingo of the kinky! There is a plethora of BDSM glossary: terms, phrases, slang, and acronyms used to describe all sorts of dirty deeds, desires, activities, and fetishes.

If you’re new to the scene and don’t know your ‘top’ from your ‘bottom,’ then this BDSM dictionary is for you.

Throw away the boring grammar books. It’s time to get a real education!

Table of Contents

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24-7

No, it’s not a 24-hour sex shop! 24-7 describes a kink which is a full-time lifestyle. Instead of being confined to sexy time, the relationship dynamics are in place 24 hours a day, every day.

A

ABDL

Adult Baby (AB) and Diaper Lover (DL) are two separate kinks but often enjoyed together.

AB is a form of “ageplay” (see below) in which a person gains gratification from role-playing as an infant. DLs, on the other hand, gain pleasure from wearing or using diapers.

Abduction Play

Basically, abduction play is when one or more people fake kidnaps a victim and take them away to play with them more later.

This can be as simple as dragging your partner home or as elaborate as getting some friends to tie up, blindfold, and throw them in a van to take them to your dungeon.

As with any outwardly risky behavior, consent and planning are important if you want to do it the more elaborate way.

Abrasion Play

Stimulation of the skin using something abrasive and coarse, e.g., sandpaper or a floor brush.

Aftercare

For most in the BDSM community, aftercare is an essential element of any kink. It refers to the care and treatment partners require from each other after bondage or play session.

Typical aftercare includes cuddling, soft n sweet sex, discussing the good or bad elements of the scene, or giving your partner a bath or a massage.

Aftercare can be extremely important, especially for submissives, who often endure more emotional or physical exertion.

It’s also a great way to reconnect with your partner on equal ground after power exchange.

Ageplay

Ageplay is a particular kink for those who like power exchange roleplay in which the submissive partner acts younger than they are.

Just to be clear, ageplay is NOT about being attracted to the young but being attracted to fully consenting ROLE PLAYING adults.

Algolagnia

A psychiatric term that basically means sadomasochism. In BDSM context, it’s more genital-focused.

So either desiring pain being inflicted on your genitals or desiring to do the same to someone else’s genitals.

Anal Hook

A hook (usually metal) with a rounded tip that goes in the anus.

They’re normally used to keep someone from moving as a form of control or punishment.

Anal Torture

Any method of deliberately inflicting pain or discomfort on the anus. Just remember butts are delicate, and you don’t want to do permanent damage.

Anal Training

This is training your butt to accept longer and/or wider toys or ‘boys.’ There are specific anal stretching toys for this purpose.

You spend time using smaller anal dildos and slowly work your way up the scale.

Androgyny

Someone who shows characteristics associated with both masculinity and femininity.

Animal RolePlay

Sometimes called Pet Play. This kink is where someone likes to take on the role of an animal, such as a kitten, a puppy, or a pony.

It’s a form of roleplay that allows participants to explore behavior they wouldn’t normally experience in their everyday life.

It can be about escapism or relinquishing the responsibility of being a ‘human.’ It can also be used in Dominant/submissive dynamics to show power and ownership or even to humiliate.

Auctioned Off

You may hear of a ‘slave auction’ where a submissive will be ‘auctioned off’ by their Dominant partner to the highest bidder.

This is always consensual, usually supervised and normally for a short time period.

B

Ball Busting

Testicle torture. It usually refers to a dominant woman torturing a male sub’s balls by hitting, squeezing, or otherwise causing pain.

Balls Out Risky Kink (BORK)

A sort of kink philosophy that rejects the Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) rule.

If edge play means playing right on the edge of those rules (see below), then BORK is way over the line.

As a general rule, if play carries a high risk of serious injury even in perfect conditions and performed by experts, it would be called BORKed. As another general rule, do not do this.

Bastinado

The act of caning or flogging the soles of a sub’s feet.

BDSM

This umbrella term covers sexual practices that use elements of physical control, exchange of power, and mixing pain and pleasure. The acronym stands for:

Bondage and Discipline
Dominance and Submission
Sadism and Masochism

Bestiality

Sexual attraction to, or abuse of, animals. Not to be confused with furries (see below).

Blood Play

Also known as cutting or blood sports. Intentionally drawing blood during play.

Bondage

The act of restraining or restricting a partner….basically, tying someone up! There are all sorts of bondage, from using handcuffs to ropes, Shibari and suspension bondage, to full-body bondage.

Bondage can be sexual and non-sexual. Some bondage is performed simply because it’s pretty!

Bottom

Nope, not your buttcheeks. This is another term for the person receiving sensation during sexy play.

Bottom Drop

The combination of intense feelings and emotions a bottom or sub feels after a scene. It can be similar to coming down from a drug, so subs can feel depressed, irritable, exhausted, lost, and so on.

The intensity of feeling depends on how hard the scene was, the feelings experienced during a scene, and the sub themselves. It’s one reason why aftercare is so important.

Breast Bondage

The act (or art) of tying up breasts. It may be performed in a way that makes the breasts bulge. It can also be used to make breasts more sensitive or as a form of punishment.

Breathplay

Not for the inexperienced! Officially called Erotic Asphyxiation (EA), Breathplay is the act of choking your partner and/or restricting their breath. (See also: Edgeplay)

Breeding

Either: Having unprotected sex and ejaculating inside someone, usually a Dominant partner ejaculating in a submissive partner (male or female).

Also: a fantasy of being made pregnant and carrying and delivering a baby.

Bukkake

A term that comes from Japan, referring to a type of scene where multiple men ejaculate on a single person, typically female (that’s changed in recent years).

Bull Whip

A single-tailed whip, usually woven or spun leather. Bullwhips are usually long and have a short, solid handle.

Also, they hurt like hell and require some practice to master.

Butt Plug

A toy designed to be inserted into the anus. They have wide flared bases, are usually bulbous in shape with a narrower tip than mid-section, then a thin neck attached to the base to keep it in place and stop the toy from disappearing into the wearer’s butthole.

C

Camming

A kind of virtual sex where partners watch each other perform sex acts over an internet connection.

Also, doing the above but as a profession, so performing over camera for money.

Caning

Bend over! Caning refers to striking your partner with a cane, usually on the butt, backs of the thighs, or soles of their feet.

CBT

“Cock and Ball Torture” is causing pain (and pleasure) to the penis and/or testicles. Think squeezing, ball stretching, genital spanking, urethral play (see also: Sounding), or even kicking.

Chastity Play

Not having sex doesn’t sound that kinky, but it all comes down to control.

Locking up a partner’s genitals with cock cages or chastity belts means restricting sexual contact (solo or with a partner) and orgasms. It can be a fun way to heighten anticipation and assert dominance.

Chemical Play

Anything involving the use of chemicals to produce a particular sensation, e.g., chili powder or menthol on sensitive areas to produce a burning sensation. (Always test on a less sensitive area before applying anything to the genitals.)

Cock Ring

A ring-shaped device worn tight around the penis (or penis and testicles) to maintain a harder and stronger erection.

Collar

A collar is usually worn by a kinkster who wishes to show their submissive nature or ownership by a Dominant.

Collars may have a padlock with the key held by the Dominant partner, be used with a leash, or be worn only during play.

Collared

A submissive or slave who is marked as the property of a Dom or Master. It usually denotes a long-term and committed relationship and, in kink circles, is often considered equivalent to marriage.

Collaring

A collaring ceremony is like a BDSM version of an engagement or marriage between a Dominant and submissive who have a 24-7 relationship.

Just with a collar on their neck instead of putting a ring on their finger!

Compersion

You’ll mostly hear about this in the context of polyamory.

The feeling of love and happiness for a partner when they experience love and/or joy with someone else.

So if your partner goes and has sex with someone else and really enjoys it and that makes you happy, that’s compersion.

Consensual Nonconsent

Con-Non-Con is sometimes referred to as “rape play,” where players wish to act out violent fantasies.

This is a very complex roleplay that requires a lot of pre-negotiation beforehand with an open and honest discussion about limits and boundaries.

A word of warning, do not go into this without safewords and safe signals. (See also: Safewords)

Consent

No matter what kink you’re into, consent is ALWAYS present. Consent is permission that is given freely, without pressure, and with a full understanding of what is being consented to.

Contract

Many play partners partaking in BDSM fun choose to draw up a contract outlining their fun. It’s not a legal document, but more of a mutual agreement showing each person’s acceptance, understanding, consent, and commitment to their activities and relationship.

It may detail the limits, behavior guidelines, what is expected from each partner, activities agreed to, and any punishments or consequences for any rule-breaking.

Corporal Punishment

Inflicting pain on someone as a kind of punishment. Usually means some kind of impact punishment, such as spanking, flogging, or caning.

Cruise Party

A party thrown with the specific intention of providing a place for people to hook up, play with each other, or both.

Slightly different from a swinger’s party in that the goal of a cruise party is not strictly for people to have sex with each other at the event.

Cuckold

A kind of (normally hetero) relationship where the man has a wife who “cheats” on him with his knowledge.

It’s a broad spectrum of relationships, but the common factor is the wife has sex with other men, and the husband does not.

In a kink context, the husband would know that this is happening and often watches the wife perform sex acts with other men in front of him, deriving sexual pleasure from this.

If you swap the genders i.e., the female is the one being cheated on, it’s a cuckquean (much less common).

D

D/s (Dominance/submission)

The erotically charged power exchange between a Dominant partner and a submissive.

Usually, the Dominant term is capitalized and the submissive with a lower case to show their respective statuses.

DDLG

Daddy Dom/Little Girl (sometimes just referred to as Little). This particular style of Dominance and submission play borrows the caregiving dynamic of parent/child or teacher/student.

The Daddy Dom acts as a guide and disciplinarian. While the ‘Little’ may act younger than they are.

DM / Dungeon Monitor

If you ever find yourself invited to a play party, you may be greeted by a Dungeon Monitor.

They are basically like a bouncer for BDSM events and supervise interactions to ensure everyone is playing by the rules.

Dom / Domme / Dominant

The person in control of a scene and/or a submissive partner. While Domme is often used by females, many prefer to go with the non-gendered term of Dom or Dominant.

Dom Drop / Top Drop

Like sub drop/ bottom drop, but it’s the Top or Dom’s experience.

The experience can include feelings of guilt or shame at hurting one’s partner (even consensually, it can still be hard on the emotions), depression, or just plain exhaustion. Being a Top is hard work, y’all.

Drop

Top or bottom drop; negative feelings that occur in partners after a scene is over.

Dungeon

A dungeon doesn’t have to be a dark, medieval-style hole in the wall! A ‘dungeon’ simply refers to a room or area that has been set up with BDSM equipment.

E

Edgeplay

Any play within BDSM that involves risk of real harm, physically or emotionally, is called ‘edgeplay.’

It’s so-called because it is on the edge of the BDSM ‘rules’. (See also: SSC) There are many forms of play that fall under this term, including breathplay, knife play, fire play, and erotic humiliation.

Edging

Not the same as edgeplay. Edging is the process of taking yourself or a partner to the edge of climax, then stopping before release, and then starting again. A beautiful rollercoaster!

Electro Play

The act of providing sexual stimulation through low voltage electric shocks.

You can find a whole range of safe electro-stimulation (e-stim) sex toys, such as the Violet Wand, which can deliver a range of sensations from tickling to torture. Let the sparks fly!

Erotic Humiliation

If you enjoy being called a “dirty little sex whore” in the bedroom, you might be into erotic humiliation.

Some people gain sexual arousal from humiliating or being humiliated. It can range from light embarrassment during sex to more extreme public humiliation and degradation.

Erotic Sexual Denial

Withholding sex or climax to keep your partner in a state of anticipation and arousal. It can be a way to assert power over a submissive partner. (See also: Tease and Denial).

Exhibitionism

Getting turned on by receiving attention from others. It can be at the will of the exhibitionist who just likes being watched, or the show can be orchestrated by a Top who wants to show off their bottom as a kind of humiliation.

F

Face Sitting

The act of a woman sitting on or crouching over their partner’s face in order to receive oral pleasure.

In kink, the woman doing the sitting is usually the Dominant partner, and they sit on their sub’s face in order to assert their power or as a form of punishment/funishment.

Sometimes breath play might be involved as the sub’s airways could be restricted for a time.

Femme

Normally femme refers to a lesbian who presents in a typical feminine way (the opposite of a “butch”).

In a BDSM context, a femme might refer to someone who behaves in a very feminine way during scenes but who doesn’t act like that most of the time.

Fetish

A fetish is experiencing sexual delight or obsession for a particular object, non-genital body part, or an experience. For example, a foot fetish or shoe fetishes are quite common.

Other more ‘interesting’ fetishes include getting excited about leather, latex, or being urinated on. (See also: Golden Showers)

Fetish Wear

Any kind of clothing worn to satisfy a particular fetish. Examples include police or nurse uniforms, but also leather, latex, spikes, and so on.

Figging

Peel a piece of ginger root and insert it into the anus or vagina…voilà, figging!

Financial Domination (FinDom)

A kind of domination relationship where a submissive man (it’s almost always a man) submits his finances to a Dominant partner, most often a woman.

Often, the submissive man (or “pay pig”) gets nothing in return for offering his money except the thrill of knowing his financial power is being taken from him.

Dominants in this kind of relationship very often have multiple submissives giving them cash or sending them gifts regularly.

Fire Play

Scenes involving the use of fire on or near someone’s skin. This is a kind of edge play that should only be done by experts.

Fisting

Lube up your hand, and insert it into the vagina or anus…voilà, fisting!

It can be performed with the fingers close together and the thumb tucked in the middle, tapered for easy insertion, or with a full-on, rounded fist.

Forced Orgasm

When a submissive partner is made to orgasm against their will.

Furry

Someone who is interested in anthropomorphized animal/human hybrids. Especially referring to people who wear “fur suits” in a kinky context or use avatars of them online.

G

Gag

A device put in someone’s mouth, either to keep them from speaking or making loud noises or to hold their mouth open.

Gags can be made of silicone rubber, wood, metal, cloth, or other materials, and there are several different shapes.

Gates of Hell

A kind of male chastity device worn to constrict or block access to the penis.

Gender Play

When someone in a BDSM scene takes on the role of the opposite gender to their usual one.

Gimp

Usually a submissive/slave man wearing a full body suit with a mask and full face covering so he can’t speak without the covering being opened.

Gimps are usually treated as subhuman as part of the kink.

Also: a derogatory term for someone with a limp or physical disability (but don’t call people that unless THAT’s their kink).

Golden Showers

If you love the sensation of being urinated on or urinating on a partner, then give them a ‘golden shower’. (See also: Piss Play)

Good Pain

The consensual pain kinksters gain pleasure from. It may have a sting, but it’ll send shivers of pleasure coursing through your body.

Of course, this is all subjective. What one person sees as ‘good pain’ may very well be ‘bad pain’ to another.

Greek

Anal sex, but it’s a pretty old-fashioned way of saying it.

Gunplay

A form of edgeplay where roleplaying kinksters use real or fake firearms in a scene. As with any edgeplay, approach with caution and consent.

H

Hair Bondage

Tying someone’s hair up bondage-style to restrict head movement and/or for the feeling of having your hair pulled.

Hard Limits

A ‘hard limit’ is something that a person will absolutely not do during a scene and is non-negotiable, unlike a ‘soft limit.’

Harem

A harem is a form of BDSM polyamory, basically a group of two or more submissives serving one or more dominants.

Hogtie

The ‘hogtie’ is a bondage position. The person being tied up will be lying face down and have their wrists and ankles fastened behind.

Horse

A kind of furniture that looks like a sawhorse; for use during bondage and impact play scenes mostly.

Houseboy

A male house slave; a masculine submissive who acts as a “maid” in their Dom’s house, cleaning, doing the chores, cooking, being used for sex, and so on.

The female version is a “housegirl.”

I

Impact Play

Like to spanked every now and then? Well, that’s just a little taste of impact play.

You can also get into impact play with whips, floggers, paddles, riding crops, and even household items such as wooden spoons or flat-backed hairbrush. (See also: Sensation Play)

K

Kinbaku

This is an ancient form of Japanese rope bondage. In the Western world, the term Kinbaku is used synonymously with Shibari.

They are both artistic forms of tying with ropes, but with one slight difference. Shibari comes from the Japanese verb “to tie”, Kinbaku means “tight binding”. (See also Shibari)

Kink

Interest or engagement in non-conventional sexual practices, or anything that doesn’t count as “vanilla.”

When used as a specific noun, a kink is a particular non-normative sexual desire or interest. So, for example, someone might say they have a choking kink.

Knife Play

BDSM scenes using the edges and points of blades. This is usually done without cutting the skin, but some kinksters into the extreme side of things may permit light scoring of the skin or more.

This edge play is not for the faint of heart and should only be practiced with someone you trust.

L

Limits

Limits in BDSM refer to the things someone doesn’t want to participate in at all or is hesitant about but may consider.

M

Masochism / Masochist

Masochism is the act of receiving pain for sexual gratification. Masochists are the ones getting their sexual kicks from the pain.

Master/Slave

A more extreme type of Dominant/submissive dynamic. This is a consensual power exchange arrangement where the Master takes control of more aspects of the submissive’s behavior and actions.

Quite often, this dynamic is played out 24/7, but can also be for shorter periods of time.

MDLB

Mommy Dom/Little Boy is basically the same as DDLG, but with a female in the dominant role.

Mentor

In kink, a mentor is someone who teaches and guides someone else. Basically, like the word mentor in everyday life, but kinky.

Mentors can often take a Dominant role in a BDSM relationship, but not always.

Mummification

This is a particular style of bondage that immobilizes the entire body from head to toe, with just holes left for breathing. It is often done with bondage tape or Saran wrap.

The kink aspect comes from the feeling of being completely helpless and can be added to with sensation play.

Munch

A social meeting of BDSM folk in a non-kinky setting and in casual ‘normal’ attire.

It’s a great way to meet and get to know like-minded kinksters in a non-intimidating place. Perfect for newbies to the BDSM scene.

N

Needle Play

An extreme form of BDSM thatinvolves temporary piercings or recreational acupuncture performed with sterile needles.

The piercings are only inserted for the duration of the play scene and then removed, but the endorphin high can last for hours and even induce orgasm.

Nose Torture

This is a traditional Japanese form of BDSM, often using nose hooks or clothes pegs.

It can also include nose caning or clamps on the nose septum (the middle part between your nostrils). It can be used as a way of restraining a submissive or in humiliation play.

O

OTK

An acronym for “over the knee” spanking. Often used in DDLG or any D/s play.

P

Painslut

You don’t have to be a submissive to be a ‘painslut’. The term describes any kinky person who gets a real endorphin rush from experiencing extreme pain.

Painsluts may like to push their own boundaries and build up to see how much they can handle.

Pansexual

Someone open to having sex with anyone of any gender, sex, or orientation. They could be attracted to anyone (but that doesn’t mean they’re attracted to everyone!).

Pegging

Pegging refers to anal sex fun, where the female wears a strap-on dildo to penetrate a man’s ass.

Pet Play

Where a submissive acts as and is treated like a pet animal. Dogs, cats, and horses are the most popular pets to play as.

Piss Play

Piss play, also known as ‘watersports’ is as you can imagine, all about getting freaky with your pee! It can be explored as a way to dominate a sub, or just for general kinky fun.

It can include peeing on a partner, drinking it, or even pissing into the anus or vagina.

Play

Doing any kind of kinky activity.

Play Party

A play party is a BDSM social event where sexual activity and BDSM play is accepted.

Usually, there will be separate areas for general socializing and for sexual activities. It’s not mandatory to ‘play’, you can just watch if you wish.

Player

Someone who actively takes part in BDSM activities; someone who plays.

Polyamory

Also known as ethical or consensual non-monogamy. Engaging in long-term and loving relationships with more than one person at a time or desire to do the same.

Pony Play

A kind of pet play where the submissive acts like and is treated like a horse. Loves hooves and galloping.

Ponygirl/ Ponyboy

Describes a submissive who dresses up in a pony outfit, which can include a mouth bit, fake hooves, and an anal plug with a pony tail.

Their Dominant partner may instruct them to prance like a pony and may even use reins and have them pull a light cart. (See also: Animal or Pet Play)

POV

Point of View. A kind of porn where the actor or actress looks directly at the camera to make the viewer feel like they’re involved in the scene.

Power Exchange

A kind of consensual and agreed-upon relationship where the Dominant partner takes control and responsibility over a varying degree of the sub’s behavior.

Power can be exchanged for a determined period of time or indefinitely and over a small part of the sub’s life or practically all of it (Total Power Exchange).

ProDom / ProDomme

As well as kinksters who become Dominants for fun, there are also those who do it for cash, as a profession.

ProDom/Dommes are professional dominants who charge for their domination services.

Protocol

Any standing rule that a submissive is expected to remember and follow at all times, especially when in public. For example, a sub might have to follow a protocol that they’re not allowed to speak without permission or unless spoken to.

Puppy

A sub who engages in puppy play, i.e., dressing and acting like a dog. Puppy play ranges from wearing a dog tail and ears sometimes all the way to sleeping in a doghouse and eating dog food.

Pussy Torture

Pussy torture is a BDSM practice during which the female genitals receive pain for sexual gratification.

It can include things like forced orgasms with intense vibrators, e-stim shocks, caning, use of clamps, or figging.

Q

Queening

Another term for face-sitting when the Dominant woman sits on their sub’s face.

R

RACK

Risk Aware Consensual Kink is like a code of conduct for BDSM practitioners.

It acknowledges the simple fact that nothing in life can ever be 100% safe, but that all scene participants should be well-informed of the risks involved in their chosen activity and be in consensual agreement to engage.

Rape Play

Also called consensual non-consent. Pretending to rape someone with their prior consent.

Rimming

Analingus. Eating ass.

Ring gag

A kind of gag for the mouth in a ring shape so that the wearer’s mouth is held open with space for, usually, a penis to fit through.

Role Play

Any kind of scene where players pretend something other than reality. Changing behavior, dressing up, using different names, and so on all count as role play. Endless possibilities make this one of the best-known and most-practiced kinks.

Rope Bondage

The act of tying someone up with rope. (See also Shibari and Kinbaku).

Rope Drunk

The happy-feel-good sensation some people experience after a rope bondage session.

S

S.A.M.

Can mean a few things.

Stand And Model: in the gay community, it refers to posing in leather, often in public, such as at a gay bar or party.
Smart Ass Masochist – a sub who acts bratty in order to elicit punishment.
(sometimes) Sadism and Masochism. It’s more commonly just called SM, or sometimes S&M.

Sadism / Sadist

Sadism is the act of inflicting pain and gaining a sense of pleasure (often sexual) from doing so. A sadist is a person who enjoys the action.

Safe Call

A kind of safety measure when meeting someone for the first time. A phone call arranged to a trusted friend at a specific time to let them know everything is fine. These can be made as elaborate as you want; for example, with code words to let the friend know if you’re in danger.

Safeword

A Safeword or a system of safewords is agreed to before BDSM play and can be used at any point to stop the activity or cool things down. A popular safeword system is the traffic light system, for example:

“Green” means I’m fine and enjoying this; please continue!

“Orange” means I’m ok, but let’s slow down and check on me again.

“Red” means Stop.

It’s also a good idea to have non-verbal safewords so that the person can still communicate even if gagged or unable to vocalize.

Scat Play

Playtime with poop.

Scene

A time period of BDSM activities and/or roleplay.

Sensation Play

It’s all about the senses, from sensory deprivation to sensory overload.

Think tickling with feathers, flogging, using ice cubes, dripping hot wax on your lover’s back, blindfolds, spanking, etc.

Sensual Dom

A kind of domination where the Dominant partner performs acts that bring only pleasure. No whipping here, just nice things.

Also; a Dom who prefers to do this most of the time (AKA a soft Dom).

Service-Oriented Submission

There are many ways to submit in BDSM, and this particular style is for those who gain pleasure from serving their Dom.

Service can be through household chores or any task which enriches the life of the Dom or helps them in some way.

Session

Another word for scene. Any kind of sexual or kinky activity occurring during a period. Often planned in advance in the case of BDSM sessions.

Sex Magick

Half the name of Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ best album.

Oh, also: Sex acts done in a ritualized fashion among neo-pagan, Wiccan, and other groups. Sex magick is done in order to bring about changes in the world or in the people doing it.

Shibari

The ancient art of Japanese erotic bondage. The term ‘shibari’ is a Japanese word that means “to tie decoratively”.

Singletail

A kind of whip with a single whippy bit. A bullwhip is one example. They’re much harder to use than floggers and can seriously hurt if used wrong.

Sissy

A male submissive who is being feminized, for example, being forced to wear women’s clothes, act in a feminine way, only receive pleasure by being penetrated, and so on.

Slave

A sub who consensually relinquishes control of certain aspects of their life to their Dominant partner, their Master or Mistress.

This sort of BDSM dynamic is often 24/7 and will have set rules and protocols that the slave should abide by during private life and public life.

Soft Limits

BDSM activities that someone is hesitant to do or feels nervous about, but they may be open to trying.

They may need warming up to the activity, or it’s something they are interested in, but perhaps for the future once they feel more comfortable.

Sounding

The insertion of metal rods into the urethra. The act stimulates the sensitive areas within the clitoris and G spot or prostate and the penis head.

SSC

“Safe, Sane, and Consensual.” Another code of conduct for BDSM practitioners in which all play activities should be carried out in a safe and sane way and with total consent.

Sub Drop

After an intense BDSM session, some subs may experience cold and flu-like symptoms which can last up to a week. It’s kind of like a drug come down.

During the scene, the brain releases all the happy chemicals in large amounts, but after the high comes the ‘drop.’ You can help prevent the sub drop by having adequate aftercare.

Submissive / Sub

Like to be told what to do in the bedroom? Like to give up control either all the time or just for playtime? Then, congratulations, you’re a naughty little submissive or sub for short!

Subspace

Subspace is the natural high that a sub can experience during a BDSM scene.

It can be euphoric, but it’s worth mentioning that the sub may feel ‘out of it’ as though they are on drugs, which they are…just the happy natural sort! But this may limit their ability to communicate.

So, if you’re Dominating, be extra vigilant about their well-being.

Swinging

Having multiple sexual partners, engaging in free sex with whoever you want while being in a committed relationship with one person.

Swinging is distinct from polyamory in that swinging is just having sex with multiple people, whereas polyamory implies multiple romantic relationships. Swingers often veto engaging in multiple romantic relationships.

Switch

A kinkster who doesn’t mind being top or bottom (giver/receiver). They can switch between the two roles within a scene or take on one role for different occasions.

T

Tease And Denial

Taking a person to the brink of orgasm and then denying them sweet release, over and over and over again.

The agony of anticipation heightens sensitivity and can mean a more powerful climax when it’s finally allowed.

Temperature Play

A type of sensory play where different temperatures are used to stimulate the body.

For example, giving a blow job after sucking an ice pop or running a dildo under hot water before fucking your partner with it.

TENS Unit

An electric muscle stimulator that gives mild electrical signals via pads attached to the skin. In BDSM, these are used in electrical play.

Tit Torture

Administering physical pain to breasts and nipples. This can include all sorts of pain techniques such as needle play, breast bondage, e-stim, or flogging.

Top

The ‘top’ in a scene is the person doing the action. They aren’t necessarily the Dominant person in the situation.

The top can be a submissive directed to perform an action by their dominant partner.

Topping From The Bottom

A phrase to describe when a submissive starts to become more dominant in the relationship or scene. Generally, this is considered incorrect behavior from a true sub.

TPE

Total Power Exchange describes an extreme Dominant/submissive dynamic, where the Dom takes complete (or near-complete) control over the submissive’s life.

They may decide everything for the sub down to what they should eat or wear.

Training

You may see this term in reference to ‘slave’ subs and their period of training of how to serve their Dom and how to behave or perform tasks to their liking.

Transgendered

Someone who lives as the opposite gender from the one they were assigned at birth. Not really a BDSM thing unless the trans person is also kinky.

Transvestite

Someone who cross-dresses, that is, dresses as the opposite gender to the one they normally present as in certain situations (usually not all the time).

Trick

A hook-up partner for a scene or just sex. Not a long-term lover.

V

Vanilla

A term to describe someone who’s not into BDSM or an act that is pretty tame on the kink-ometer.

Violet Wand

An electrically conductive stick for administering mild electric shocks, normally as a punishment in electric play. Like a cattle prod, but thankfully much weaker.

Voyeurism

Deriving sexual pleasure from watching others perform sex acts, often without their knowledge or consent. In BDSM, voyeurism is consensual – scenes will be agreed on where the voyeur watches the other person/people play while pretending they are unnoticed.

W

Warm-Up

The gentle play at the start of a BDSM scene which allows the bottom to get into the right mindset. The warm-up is basically like foreplay for BDSM kinksters.

Wartenberg Wheel

A free-spinning wheel on a stick with pins attached to it used in BDSM as a tickling or torture device.

Pain level depends on how hard you press.

Watersports

Any kind of sexual activity involving pee. Piss play.

Wax Play

This is a type of temperature play, dripping hot candle wax onto the body of your sub. Different candles produce different temperatures of wax, so be careful.

Y

Yoni

Sanskrit word meaning womb or vulva.

Z

Zipper

Not the kind you’d see on a jacket. In BDSM, a zipper is a line of clothes pegs or clamps tied together by a single string or cord. You place all of them on the body, then yank them all off at once by pulling the cord. Ouch.