Anal Sex for Beginners: A Guide to First Time Anal Sex

Anal sex for beginners should be fun, safe, pleasurable, and comfortable. In this guide, we’ll get to the bottom of anal sex so you’ll be deeply satisfied.

Have you always wanted to know how to make your first-time anal fun, pleasurable… and, more importantly, comfortable?

Well, look no further! This article can answer that question for you. I’ll also give a few anal sex facts, helpful tips, plus techniques to make your first time (or nth time) safe and deeeeeeply satisfying.

So read on ahead and make that moment count. You’d for sure have a wild ride in no time!

Anal Sex: The Good and The Bad

Anal sex can be super hot! But you need to know the facts first. Here are some of the pros and cons that you have to know about:


  • Intense Orgasms

Anal sex gives both women and men a different kind of orgasm.

Let me explain. The anus basically has thousands of nerve endings. So you could say it’s similar to the clit or vagina in that sense. 

However, the orgasm you get from anal stimulation is quite different. So if regular sex isn’t working out for you, then why not try the backdoor? Who knows, you might like it that way.

  • It’s All About the Kink

Another thing that makes anal sex great for people is the ‘kink factor’ that comes with it.

Doing things differently in bed can actually turn on many couples out there. Many even do it while they’re roleplaying. So it really is all about just testing it out to know if you like it or not.

Maybe you’ll find out that you have ‘kinky bone’ in there.

  • A Great Alternative

There are times when regular sex isn’t just part of the menu for that night. 

Your partner may be on their period. Maybe a nasty case of a UTI is bothering you. Or just the feeling of soreness is present in your crotch area.

Whatever it may be, anal sex is the perfect alternative to try out.

  • No Pregnancy Scares

Anal sex practically has zero chances of a woman getting pregnant. So the anus is the perfect “gateway” to experience something new for your own pleasure.


  • Prepping

One problem with anal sex is that it needs some planning. Don’t just go on a full vegan meal and do anal afterward. Things might get messy.

This is why preparing beforehand is IMPORTANT. It makes sure that you are clean and going all-in with zero pain as much as possible. First-timers especially must always keep this step in mind.

  • It Could Become an Obsession

Anal sex seems to be an obsession for some guys. This is especially true for those who are not experienced. 

It’s like an item to cross out from their grocery list. Maybe even a medal of some sort. Something that they could brag about to their homies at the bar.

Dealing with a somehow obsessed partner with the idea could be quite hard. You’d for sure be turned off if they keep pressuring you. So best to keep this in check.

  • It’s Not Everyone’s Favorite

There are some people who are really into anal sex. But there are also others who don’t like it.

It’s all about personal preference at the end of the day. So it is totally fine if you are not into it after trying it out.

Don’t stress about it too much. There are always other ways you could please your partner. You just need to know how to communicate.

Are You Really Interested in Anal?

NOT ALL people are interested in the art of anal sex. Some do it just to keep their partners happy. Some even go further to hate anal altogether, which is completely fine.

It’s great to try out new stuff at least once in your life. But you should never be forced to do so. Feeling pressured to do new things is just a recipe for disaster.

It won’t feel great for you. And sooner or later, your partner may regret pushing you to do it.

So, just be honest about the whole thing.

Try it once. If you don’t like it, then you could stop. Don’t feel obligated to your partner to make them feel good all the time.

Having anal sex without you liking it would just make you feel bitter. Instead, you could explore other things if you really want to get their interest in different ways.

Remember that sex is not all about the a-HOLE. Explore your body. Explore theirs.

Communicating is Best

You need to communicate well with your partner if you want to try anal sex.

Know what makes you feel good. Tell them what they are doing right or what they are doing wrong.

Don’t be afraid. Get comfortable. They’re your partner, after all!

Know when to make them slow down. Maybe pull out. Maybe even stop.

It’s really just all about communication!

They must know how to follow your instructions well as a lover. Don’t make them be in control all the time. Learn to balance out and call the shots when the situation calls for it.

It’s your body that’s feeling it all.

What you’re doing is not taming your partner. It is to make the experience feel good for both of you. You don’t want to feel pain, right? So learn to talk to your partner to the best of your abilities.

A Crash Course on Lubricants

An important tip for beginners is knowing how to pick the right lube.

The right choice is always the one that makes the experience pain-free. But keep in mind that not every lube out there is the same.

Here is a breakdown of the basic types of lube:

1. Water-Based

Water-based lube is mainly made out of water. This makes it safer during sex though there is one problem.

This type of lube quickly dries out. You need to reapply once you feel the rough walls of the anus.

However, constantly doing so might ruin the whole mood. It could even put a stop to your love-making session.

So better be prepared if you decide on the water-based option. On the plus side, having sex in water is a breeze. So there’s that.

A recommendation for condoms would be the latex ones. The two work great together as the lube doesn’t degrade the material.

2. Silicone-Based

One of the most recommended options is the silicone-based lube. It is compatible with latex condoms. It also lasts longer than the previous option, and reapplying is not too much of a bother.

The texture also feels smoother compared to other options. But removing stains from the bed could be a problem. Silicone-based lubricants tend to be hard to wash out.

3. Oil-Based

Another smooth option is the oil-based lube. It lasts longer, making it a great fit for your anal adventures.

However, there are notable downsides. This type of lubricant is much harder to wash out. They also degrade latex condoms. This means that the condom could possibly rip. As a result, a possible infection may occur.

To avoid all that trouble, you could go for an alternative.

4. Saliva

Your saliva is probably the easiest to access out of all these options. This is especially great for quickies. It’s water-based and lessens the possibility of a condom tearing.

But keep in mind that this is NOT A GOOD FIRST CHOICE. 

Saliva dries up faster. You also could not produce too much at once. It works fine, but it could easily tire you out. Maybe use it if you really have no other option available.

Overall Ranking

Here’s my ranking of the most recommended lube to use for anal sex:

  • #1 Silicone-based
  • #2 Water-based
  • #3 Oil-based
  • #4 Saliva

How to Avoid Pain

There have been times wherein couples complain about pain when doing anal. The reason for that is your anus. More specifically, the muscle that surrounds the anus. 

This muscle is called the sphincter. It keeps your butthole tightly closed. But, unfortunately, it is not that easy to keep it relaxed. 

It actually takes some time for the sphincter to have things pass easily. It’s strong but also slows at the same time. Putting a finger or penis in so suddenly would quickly result in pain.

So what you need to do is make sure that the sphincter is as relaxed as it can be during anal sex.

Thankfully, here are four tips to keep in mind.

Lube Your Finger Up

Practice by yourself first. Simply cover your finger with lube and slowly put it in your anus. See how the sphincter reacts.

Doing this a few times can help you get used to the sensation. 

Then try doing it with your partner. 

Make sure you walk them through it all. The last thing you want to do is freak out in front of them. So be their guide. 

Here’s a step by step process to help you out:

  • Tell your partner to apply lube to the tip of their finger. Then, have them put lube on your ass.
  • Let them slowly slide their finger into your anus. Make sure to have them be as steady as they can be.
  • Give them some feedback. You could let them go deeper, stop or even pull out. It all depends on how you are feeling. The deeper the finger goes, the more comfortable it gets.
  • Tell them to stop if it starts to feel uncomfortable. Keep their finger still. This allows the sphincter to adjust and relax. You could then push deeper once the pain goes away.
  • You could also tell them to pull out if the pain is too much. Then, have a quick rest before starting over again.

Knowing the Thrust

You could slowly thrust your partner’s finger in and out of your anus if it didn’t go any deeper.

You should make sure that you keep the pace in check. Have some control. Tell them when to speed up and when to slow down.

Get the right motion going. Don’t let them shove all their fingers suddenly inside you, and just maintain the rhythm. 

Going for More

Try having your partner add a second finger if you’re already comfortable with the motions. Again, have them be as slow and cautious as they can be. Keep providing instructions and feedback.

Then slowly add a third finger if you’re up for it. Or you could also go directly for the penis instead?

Again, you have to get as comfy and relaxed as possible. Your inner peace equates to a happy anus in this situation.

Skip the Numb

Don’t ever go for a product that numbs your butthole during anal sex.

These are typically not lubricants. They prevent you from knowing what’s going on with your body.

So you’ll never know if an accident will happen while you keep going at it. Serious tears could very much occur. So make sure to avoid that as much as possible.

Also, most ingredients from these products are irritants. This could lead to an itch or, worse, an infection.

Take Control

Pro Tip

It’s recommended to have the penetrating partner on his back during your first-time anal.

Take charge. This position makes it harder for the penetrating partner to thrust too hard. It would also make it easy for you (the receiving partner) to know how deep you can put the penis in.

If you’re the penetrating partner, keep still while your receiving partner takes control.

Apply some lube to the penis and straddle slowly. You could go for the cowgirl or any woman-on-top position. Grab ahold of that penis (or dildo) and guide it slowly through your backdoor.

Take as much of your time as possible. No one is in a hurry.

You should not rush yourself to feel comfortable. If you feel pain, then stop and let the sphincter relax. Then, you could go deeper once everything feels good. 

Slowly raise your hips up and down once the penis can’t go any deeper.

Patience is the key here. You could avoid pain and discomfort by taking your time. Even take breaks if it feels too much.

Let the penetrating partner just lay back and relax. Then, have yourself do all the work at the start.

Once you’re good, then have them be involved.

Let them thrust but make sure that you are still in complete control. Always provide some feedback to avoid getting too carried away. Know when to let them stop or slow down.

For those still unsure, then you’re in no rush either. Pain is never a good thing, even during anal. So take your time learning the good and the bad of anal sex.

For starters, you could try venturing into different anal sex positions. There could be one that could work out for you in the end.

Anal Sex Positions That Work

The cowgirl position is fine and all, but there is still so much that you could do. Here are a few more tried-and-tested anal sex positions to try out:

Staying On Top

Sit on your partner’s lap during anal sex. Get as intimate as you can be while hugging him.

You can try out many variations to this, including the lotus position, lap dance position, sofa surprise position, etc.

Taking It From Behind

Some rear-entry positions would be good if you now feel more comfortable with your penetrating partner having more control.

You can try the classic doggy position where you’re on all fours, and the penetrating partner enters from behind. If the position gets tiring, you can modify it by having the receiving partner lie face down on your bed or sofa with the butt lifted.

Next-Level Anal Sex Techniques

If you’re all good with the anal sex basics, then learning next-level techniques is the next best thing. Here are 5 of them that you can try out with your partner:

1. Stroking the Clit

The clit is mainly left untouched during anal sex. This is because it’s harder for penetrating partners to stimulate it in certain positions. So, here are some ways you could do it:

  • Use your own hands. You are the one who knows your own body. So you should do the honors. It is also much easier for you as you don’t need to reach around to stroke your clit.
  • Use your partner’s hands. First, be their guide in having their hand reach around your vagina. Then, rub their fingers all around your clit and have them massage it.
  • Use a vibrator. A toy is another great alternative. You could control how strong you want it and get some intense orgasms out of it.

2. Speaking of Toys

The penis is not the only way to do anal sex. Sex toys could also be on the table.

  • Butt plugs. These come in a variety, and there are even vibrating options. These are inserted anally where the user has them stay there in place. Butt plugs are an excellent option for sex if you want to feel ‘all full.’
  • Anal beads. These are connected beads that are inserted into the anus. Some people find orgasms that much satisfying with the use of these toys.
  • Lube launchers. These are syringe-like toys that are used for lubricants to enter the anus. This makes the penis slide smoothly and the whole experience that much easy.

3. Double Trouble

Why not try double penetration to make it more fun? Getting penetrated in the vagina and anus at the same time is undoubtedly a new experience. And it’s also known to give people some mind-blowing orgasms.

Don’t worry; it doesn’t always have to be with two guys. You could also use a dildo while you penetrate your partner from the back. Having two things stimulate you could deliver some intense results.

4. Have Some Alcohol

It’s generally not a good idea to mix anal sex with drinking alcohol. But people also tend to get anxious about having a penis go inside their asshole. So why not have a beer or two?

It does wonder in keeping you relaxed. Don’t drink too much, though. You don’t want to end up passing out or worse…

5. Anal Training

The sphincter is just like any other muscle in the body. It also needs some training. So why not have anal sex regularly?

Doing this helps you get used to the sensation. It also allows you to relax your anus with much ease. As a result, it would feel less and less like the first time, eventually making you feel comfortable.

You could also use a dildo or an anal sex toy if your partner is not all for it on the regular. So there’s that option just in case.

The Sweet Spot

You could experiment once you get used to all the anal sex you’ve been doing. These are 3 things to try out:

  • Know your strokes. Do you like short and shallow? Or long and deep ones? Some couples say that alternating both works great for them in bed. So make sure to communicate what both of you want.
  • Try different angles. Does this hit the right spot? Or does switching it up do the trick? Have some fun and experiment.
  • Do some roleplay. Add a little dominatrix tease in there. Be a submissive dog if you want. Doing so would certainly change up the mood.


There are a few safety tips to keep in mind during and even before doing anal sex:

Using Condoms

STIs should not be taken lightly. That is why you should always practice safe sex, as you’ll never know what’ll happen.

Anal sex may not have pregnancy risks involved, but there are still possible infections. So better make sure. A condom could already do so much with little to less effort.

Avoid Double Dipping

Always clean up, especially when you go from anal to vaginal sex. Not changing the condom or washing the penis could lead to some nasty infections.

This is also true for blowjobs. Letting your partner give you head after anal may be a bad idea if you don’t keep it clean. A simple trip to the bathroom should not take too much of your time, so it should be all good.

Keep Sex Toys Clean

You should also avoid double-dipping with your sex toys. Clean it thoroughly first.

Use a condom if you have to. Just make sure to tie the ends to avoid potential leakage. You could then dispose of or replace the condom once you’re done using it.

Communication Matters

It could be surprising to know that NOT every couple is open about their sex life.

Some guys just don’t get how the woman feels when being penetrated into her asshole. On the other end, some women don’t communicate fully about how they are feeling.

So, being indirect with one another could be a problem. That is why communication is essential.

Something to note

Giving feedback is key in anal sex. Be clear if you don’t like doing certain types of things.

Get specific, and don’t just brush it off as something that’s ‘fine.’ This is, of course, not one-sided. You’d also have to ask for their input as well.

Work together to figure out what went wrong or right. Do you like this technique? How about this position?

Don’t be afraid to just spill it out there.

Being ‘hush hush’ about the whole thing is never a great idea. So better communication should always be practiced for better and louder orgasms.

A Man’s Guide to Anal Sex

Did you know that a man could also orgasm anally?

They actually have this prostate gland that is known to give an incredible feeling if stimulated correctly. 

So why not try asking them or yourself (if you’re the man)? They may be interested in penetration with you using a strap-on.

Pegging actually works for some guys though not everybody agrees. An anal sex toy could do the trick if they want to take it slowly. But again, it really is up to them.

The same rule applies here. Don’t force them to do anything they don’t want to. It’s their choice at the end of the day.

Suppose they’re interested, then great. If not, then move on to some other things you could do as a couple.

Quick Anal Sex Facts

  • More women like receiving anal sex, according to a 1,260 woman study.
  • You can have anal sex while pregnant. However, you should always consult with your doctor beforehand.
  • It is unlikely to get pregnant from anal sex. But mishaps could happen. So always use a condom to make sure that the chances of that happening are slim.
  • Anal sex generally doesn’t hurt if done the right way. It is also safe if done the right way.

And that’s about it!

You’re given all the basics that you need for your first time. So don’t be afraid to ask your partner to try it out sometime. They might actually like it!

Final Thoughts

Anal sex is an opportunity to try something new.

Get out of your comfort zone and maybe one day experience a different kind of wild and mind-breaking orgasm.

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

Over last 4 years Dainis have helped millions of people through his advice on this site (200+ guides and 1M+ visits/monthly). His work & advice has appeared on sites like: Healthline, Vice, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, WomensHealthMag, MindBodyGreen & more. Read More.

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